A reason for joy...

Gratitude -
1. Harper Elizabeth Adams - born 11-5-08
HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY!!!
2. The colors of autumn
3. Being back in Art Class
4. A NEW computer...
5. Unbelievable joy - not giddy happiness -
but serious, deep, abiding joy with life

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" CHARLIE BROWN aka Peanuts Cartoon

Have you ever had a day or a period in your life when you were happy or filled with joy and you were not exactly sure why OR where it was coming from? Such is this time in my life.

I have been on a high since my recent retreat where we focused on Male Spirituality. I have a friend who was reared in Texas and she insists it is the Texas air. 'It gets deep inside and you are never the same.' (thanks Sandy - makes as much sense as anything else - ha)

However, I have to believe it has to do with relationships and new insights. The relationships with my seven new brothers - now known as the Joshua Brothers - was deep and real. Although we did not know titles and background, we begin to be vulnerable with one another almost immediately. We shared our hurts and pain. We talked of old wounds and baggage we had carried to cover our pain for an incredibly long time.

Then we sat together without speaking and honored one another. We prayed for each other and we offered hope, without trying to fix or change anyone. Ever so slowly we trusted ourselves to each ritual and never judged another.

There were indeed differences between us. Faith, age, nationality, probably our vocations were very different although we never ask, fears over sexuality issues, wounds to those we loved, past addictions that were still fresh, suicide ideation, and much more... We were all struggling.

We had all built big walls. The walls were in place to cover our pain and protect us. Over time the walls began to crack. One of our leaders shared 'the LIGHT shines through the broken places'. And that was the case for each one of us. We all found grace!

I must admit that I had known this word for a long time. I have preached it for years. However, I had never known grace in relationship to other men. I had felt they were generally judging me and I was coming up a failure. This feeling was almost as old as I am...

So the relationships with these new brothers and with God were pivotal. The insights still come as I learn to sit in silence, contemplating my brothers, their grace toward me and God and His grace too. (more about contemplation in the future) While I know I am broken - I also rejoice that the light shines through...

May you too know such joy!

SHALOM
JBA