Gratitude Journal 9-11-12
1. Vulnerability in those who lead and those who lead by example...
2. Willingness to rail against the dispiriting moments humans must face...
3. Friendship - across the miles and years!
4. Belonging - when one feels loved unconditionally by another brother or sister
5. Believing that the walk of faith - though never a cake walk if it is authentic - is the best way to go through life!
You will walk by faith and not by sight... 2 Cor. 5:7
I have a friend (locally) who is ‘fighting’ the BIG C. He has CANCER. When I say he is ‘fighting’ I mean he has marshaled all the resources and options anyone could imagine. He has traveled, read, consulted, tried the old ways and even a few new ones and the road continues to steep for my friend, his wife and family, and our larger community as we walk this path together.
How would such a private matter, with all the highs and lows, affect a whole community? It affects us because my friend has made a decision to share the journey through the written word and with anyone within the range of his voice. He blogs. He talks publicly. He has laughed out loud and cried and railed against this hated disease. He has shared his ‘humanity’. He continues to share from the deepest place inside. He shares from his faith and his soul.
There are times when I do not want to read another posting for fear the next blog will describe some new dark cloud on his journey? But, he is such a gift I dare not miss any opportunity to see what is being offered as my friend pulls back the curtain and invites us (all of us) into his study, into his doctor’s office, into the lab, into his hospital room, into his family, into his marriage, into his 'eternal' life!
I also have a friend in Dallas, TX. She too has recently had to manage the burden of CANCER in her body. Her husband, my college roommate, died of this dreaded disease several years ago. Therefore she is no stranger to the twists and turns associated with this path and how little 'control' she/we actually have when it comes to CANCER. As each test probed and searched her body, she did the same with her doctors, seeking knowledge and greater understanding. What should she expect? How long would she need to recover? To what extent might there be complications? AND she shared her pilgrimage with grace and openness and humor and faith through FaceBook.
Almost forty years ago my pastor’s child was diagnosed with CANCER. My pastor pulled back the curtain on his life experience as a father and husband. He shared the struggle they were going through with this dreaded disease. His nine year old child eventually died. A month later my pastor returned to the pulpit. He preached a series of sermons and eventually published a small book about his experience and what he learned along this bitter path. (Tracks of a Fellow Stuggler)
Unfortunately, because his open sharing and willingness to be vulnerable to his journey, his marriage came apart. He eventually not only lost a child and his marriage, but he also was forced to leave the church of his childhood because of their intolerance for divorced pastors.
Today I celebrate these models of courage and strength and hope that I have received from my friends (Mike and Oti) and the gifts I gleaned from my pastor's journey! There are moments when their words are filled, not only with realism, but also deep and abiding hope.
Lord - bless Mike Veneble, Oti Marsden and the legacy of John Claypool! May I be found as open to You and Your will and may I always seek to be open and vulnerable - even in the dark valleys - about my hope in You whatever turn my path may take...
SHALOM
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
"If I Go Up To The Mountain..."
Gratitude Journal - 7-12-12
1. Mountains of North Georgia
2. Annual vacation with family
3. Pontoon Boat with trolling motor
4. Watching July 4th fireworks with grands!
5. Massive Cabin on HIGH mountain, curvy road...
"If I go down - You are there...
If I go up - You are there!"
Vacations are always a joy when spent renewing relationships with family! To have the blessing of spending over a full week with our children, our daughter-in-law, the grand kids, Kerrie - our adopted daughter - and our niece and three of her kids - priceless.
On many of the early mornings when I sat along on the massive screened porch and watched the sun come up over the mountains OR riding on a quiet lake with Beth watching the sun go down - how could one not be filled with the Holy Spirit and look all around and see witness of God? Even though several of the days were very hot, it was a delight to have that pause from our hectic, day to day life...
While we were there we did 'go down' to depths of despair for the pain and woundedness of relatives. We heard stories we were not aware of previously. We recognized pain and sorrow, long standing!
Upon our return we were presented with the reality that 'grandma' had not been treated with respect and honor for which she is due, at the 'home' that is charged with her care. That too felt like 'going down to the depths'...
However, our stay in the mountains was a respite and renewed our hope and joy and provided the backdrop we needed to return and face the challenges before us. It did and will continue to serve as one of many Sabbaths for which we are grateful!
Thanks be to God for this gift. Even if we do not have such a gift of time 'away to the mountains' again, I pray that this past week will continue to be not only a blessed memory, but a renewal point in our minds eye to which we can return over and over again.
May you too have such a gift this summer - at the beach, in the mountains, with your family or church, in your backyard, wherever...
SHALOM
John
1. Mountains of North Georgia
2. Annual vacation with family
3. Pontoon Boat with trolling motor
4. Watching July 4th fireworks with grands!
5. Massive Cabin on HIGH mountain, curvy road...
"If I go down - You are there...
If I go up - You are there!"
Vacations are always a joy when spent renewing relationships with family! To have the blessing of spending over a full week with our children, our daughter-in-law, the grand kids, Kerrie - our adopted daughter - and our niece and three of her kids - priceless.
On many of the early mornings when I sat along on the massive screened porch and watched the sun come up over the mountains OR riding on a quiet lake with Beth watching the sun go down - how could one not be filled with the Holy Spirit and look all around and see witness of God? Even though several of the days were very hot, it was a delight to have that pause from our hectic, day to day life...
While we were there we did 'go down' to depths of despair for the pain and woundedness of relatives. We heard stories we were not aware of previously. We recognized pain and sorrow, long standing!
Upon our return we were presented with the reality that 'grandma' had not been treated with respect and honor for which she is due, at the 'home' that is charged with her care. That too felt like 'going down to the depths'...
However, our stay in the mountains was a respite and renewed our hope and joy and provided the backdrop we needed to return and face the challenges before us. It did and will continue to serve as one of many Sabbaths for which we are grateful!
Thanks be to God for this gift. Even if we do not have such a gift of time 'away to the mountains' again, I pray that this past week will continue to be not only a blessed memory, but a renewal point in our minds eye to which we can return over and over again.
May you too have such a gift this summer - at the beach, in the mountains, with your family or church, in your backyard, wherever...
SHALOM
John
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
A FATHER I RESPECT... MY OWN SON!
"...choose life, then, so that you and your descendents may live in the love of Yahweh your God, obeying his voice, holding fast to him"Deu. 30:19-20
For years I have been sharing my thoughts through a journal - in most recent years it has been entitled my "Gratitude Journal". Father's Day Weekend is just ahead of us. Today I would like to share the joy I feel and the gratitude I have through the Fatherhood my son toward his own children!
Jay has been a Father for almost six years. McCullough is his daughter (5.5 yrs) and Thompson is his son (4 yrs on Sat). It is an understatement to say that he is a great Dad. He is sensitive, caring, nurturing, encouraging, tolerant, patient, stern when necessary, consoling, and teaches by example. He is filled with love and he is also human!
He looses his temper and gets frustrated. He has anxiety and concerns for his children's education, health, protection and their future. He works hard and sacrifaces his own desires for the sake of his children and family.
This past year Jay has dedicated himself to the call of 'lay-minister' in the United Methodist Church. He studies the Word. He provides devotions and sermons with the aged in nursing facilities. He teaches Sunday School in his home church. He goes to church with his wife and children - he doesn't drop them off at the door. He is ethical and passionate about doing his best.
Jay loves history and teaches for an Episcopal school in his community. He is concerned for his students and he provides support and encouragement to his charges when they make poor decisions. He advocates for each child - with their parents or with school administrators.
It is impossible to share all he means to me... but I am so very blessed as a Father. The gift of watching my child become a Man and a Father has been an outstanding journey! I give God thanks for HIS incredible LOVE and for the opportunity I have had and trust I will continue to have, walking the path of faith with my brother/son as he continues to bless his own children, his students and his community of faith and larger community.
I love you son!
DAD
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Oprah fan... I admit it.
Gratitude Journal
1. Spring rain
2. Clarity out of choas
3. Our 'nest' back together, following five weeks of disorder!
4. Smell of fresh paint...
5. Good programming on television!!!
Foxes have holes, birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head. Luke 9:58For the past five weeks my wife and I have been confined to one room and one bath in our 2,800 sq. ft. home. A worker made a big mistake on some work we had contracted for him to do for us and it limited the area available to us until the mess could be corrected. We have been 'fretful' with one another and with the situation and anxious for all to get back to normal in our nest. Recently, Oprah Winfrey visited India. She visited a man, his wife and their three children and filmed the visit. They literally live in less that 144 sg. ft. of space. The one room contained their kitchen, a cabinet for their clothes, and small mats, stuffed in a corner for sleeping. They all lie on the floor each evening to sleep. Wow... what a difference between my life and their experience! The older I get - and having lived without many comfort items this last five weeks - I am asking myself... how much do I really need? While I don't believe that my wife and I could comfortably live in 144 sq. ft., I know we can and will need to begin living with less and less. Priorities. Values. In this moment, I am thankful for a brief segment on Oprah T.V. show and the reminder of what is really most important. Relationships! Mine with God and my relationship with family and all God's children.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Grandma's Long Journey
Gratitude Journal
1. Ruth Elizabeth Adcock
2. Grandma's faith
3. Grandma's laughter... even today!
4. My wife's family
5. My own fifty-five plus years of memories...
"Raise up a child in the way it should go and when it is old, it will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6
Grandma has not been with us for the past two months. At least, not the Grandma of old. She suffered a stroke and lost most of her short term memory. Every day we have to introduce her to the staff or her room and furniture. In the early hours of the day she slowly wanders the halls looking for her mom and dad. If she makes it until July 1, 2012 - she will have lived 94 years. That is a lot of candles!
Grandma has been a part of my life since before her daughter, Mary Beth and I married in 1966. When I graduated from college we left and moved over 1000 miles away from Mary Beth's family - something I still have regrets about, even today. It was almost a year before they were able to visit us and almost two years before we made the trip all the way back to their home in Florida.
I am sure there were tears on their end... particularly for Grandma. However, she was never critical. And that has been true of her nature all along. She has rarely had an unkind thing to say about anyone through the years.
These recent months have been difficult for both me and Mary Beth. This once vibrant personality is but a small frail shadow of who she use to be. On occasion we are able to get a smile from her. There are brief moments when she will actually laugh out loud, but we don't know why. She tries to talk to us, but the words are gibberish most times.
She is most settled when I read scripture to her. Particularly when I read those passages that would be most familiar: Psalm 23 or some Parable or the beginnings of Genesis. She will be calm and peaceful and then try to say something back. I sooth myself into believing that she is pleased and appreciative and that the words touch some deep place within.
Grandma's journey is not what we expected in August when we moved her to Hospice Care. Removing all the meds we thought we hasten her peaceful transition. However, God knew better. Grandma rebounded and now eats better than I do. She is slowing and declining for sure. But each day we visit not knowing what new chapter we/she may face.
It definitely is a long journey home... It is a long, long journey! And it is a journey we would not have wished for this dear saint. But we trust her faith is still in her God and there is something she is teaching us as we walk with her...
We are thankful for those who minister to her needs when we are not around. We are thankful for calls and notes of concern from family and friends. We have much to be thankful for.
God, we pray for peace and hope to sustain Grandma and us as we all continue on this journey in Your care!
SHALOM
1. Ruth Elizabeth Adcock
2. Grandma's faith
3. Grandma's laughter... even today!
4. My wife's family
5. My own fifty-five plus years of memories...
"Raise up a child in the way it should go and when it is old, it will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6
Grandma has not been with us for the past two months. At least, not the Grandma of old. She suffered a stroke and lost most of her short term memory. Every day we have to introduce her to the staff or her room and furniture. In the early hours of the day she slowly wanders the halls looking for her mom and dad. If she makes it until July 1, 2012 - she will have lived 94 years. That is a lot of candles!
Grandma has been a part of my life since before her daughter, Mary Beth and I married in 1966. When I graduated from college we left and moved over 1000 miles away from Mary Beth's family - something I still have regrets about, even today. It was almost a year before they were able to visit us and almost two years before we made the trip all the way back to their home in Florida.
I am sure there were tears on their end... particularly for Grandma. However, she was never critical. And that has been true of her nature all along. She has rarely had an unkind thing to say about anyone through the years.
These recent months have been difficult for both me and Mary Beth. This once vibrant personality is but a small frail shadow of who she use to be. On occasion we are able to get a smile from her. There are brief moments when she will actually laugh out loud, but we don't know why. She tries to talk to us, but the words are gibberish most times.
She is most settled when I read scripture to her. Particularly when I read those passages that would be most familiar: Psalm 23 or some Parable or the beginnings of Genesis. She will be calm and peaceful and then try to say something back. I sooth myself into believing that she is pleased and appreciative and that the words touch some deep place within.
Grandma's journey is not what we expected in August when we moved her to Hospice Care. Removing all the meds we thought we hasten her peaceful transition. However, God knew better. Grandma rebounded and now eats better than I do. She is slowing and declining for sure. But each day we visit not knowing what new chapter we/she may face.
It definitely is a long journey home... It is a long, long journey! And it is a journey we would not have wished for this dear saint. But we trust her faith is still in her God and there is something she is teaching us as we walk with her...
We are thankful for those who minister to her needs when we are not around. We are thankful for calls and notes of concern from family and friends. We have much to be thankful for.
God, we pray for peace and hope to sustain Grandma and us as we all continue on this journey in Your care!
SHALOM
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
The Blessing of Self-Awareness
Gratitude Journal
1. Journaling - on again/off again since 8th grade
2. Spiritual retreats - significant encounters with nature
3. Special authors who put words to my deepest thoughts
4. Special people - counselors, pastors, friends... gifts on my journey!
5. Prayer - in all it's forms!
Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you... JEREMIAH 1:5
When I was younger I spent lots of time day-dreaming. When I needed to escape my surroundings or some anxious time all I needed to do was stare out the window and I could enter a world of peace and hope and no pain. I could construct castles, develop relationships with a host of people - young and old alike, and travel not only to distant, exotic places, but also to unusual places as well... I once dreamed of living in the innermost part of a small tree in our backyard.
As I grew older the authorities in my life became more demanding of my time. There were expectations for study and appropriate attentiveness and behaviors. Time for 'dreaming' came less often. But also greater stress and depression began to creep into my experience.
I was never physically wounded or harmed by my family of origin, but 'the sins of the fathers (and mothers)' really were passed down from several generations and compounded before they landed on my path. I do not blame or hold responsible anyone before me! God knows they had to carry their own woundedness and burdens!
If I have a regret it is that the gift of self-awareness, self-confidence, and self-discipline were not available to me much earlier!
Richard Rohr says that we spend the first half of our lives building the container and the second half of life working on the content.
I believe I went way past the first half of my life working on the outside, while plagued by emotional wounds and pains that prevented me from moving on more appropriately and productively. My inner journey was born late and it has proved to be the most rewarding.
In recent years I have been introduced to persons who reflect on the faith journey in new and exciting ways. Many of them have been wounded too. Yet they have made peace with the past and have offered their musings as bits of hope and joy for others. Nouwen, Merton, Buechner, Rohr, Oliver are just a few.
Assessments too have been tools; MBTI and the Emmeagram have been most helpful.
I wish I could give this gift to others. But alas, it is one that must be unwrapped by each of us. Yet, I do plan on Coaching folks toward greater sensitivity to their inner voice. And I pray that my questions will reap rewards for those I engage along the remainder of my odyssey!
SHALOM
J
1. Journaling - on again/off again since 8th grade
2. Spiritual retreats - significant encounters with nature
3. Special authors who put words to my deepest thoughts
4. Special people - counselors, pastors, friends... gifts on my journey!
5. Prayer - in all it's forms!
Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you... JEREMIAH 1:5
When I was younger I spent lots of time day-dreaming. When I needed to escape my surroundings or some anxious time all I needed to do was stare out the window and I could enter a world of peace and hope and no pain. I could construct castles, develop relationships with a host of people - young and old alike, and travel not only to distant, exotic places, but also to unusual places as well... I once dreamed of living in the innermost part of a small tree in our backyard.
As I grew older the authorities in my life became more demanding of my time. There were expectations for study and appropriate attentiveness and behaviors. Time for 'dreaming' came less often. But also greater stress and depression began to creep into my experience.
I was never physically wounded or harmed by my family of origin, but 'the sins of the fathers (and mothers)' really were passed down from several generations and compounded before they landed on my path. I do not blame or hold responsible anyone before me! God knows they had to carry their own woundedness and burdens!
If I have a regret it is that the gift of self-awareness, self-confidence, and self-discipline were not available to me much earlier!
Richard Rohr says that we spend the first half of our lives building the container and the second half of life working on the content.
I believe I went way past the first half of my life working on the outside, while plagued by emotional wounds and pains that prevented me from moving on more appropriately and productively. My inner journey was born late and it has proved to be the most rewarding.
In recent years I have been introduced to persons who reflect on the faith journey in new and exciting ways. Many of them have been wounded too. Yet they have made peace with the past and have offered their musings as bits of hope and joy for others. Nouwen, Merton, Buechner, Rohr, Oliver are just a few.
Assessments too have been tools; MBTI and the Emmeagram have been most helpful.
I wish I could give this gift to others. But alas, it is one that must be unwrapped by each of us. Yet, I do plan on Coaching folks toward greater sensitivity to their inner voice. And I pray that my questions will reap rewards for those I engage along the remainder of my odyssey!
SHALOM
J
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
A New Puppy Named OSCAR...
Gratitude Journal
1. The vitality and energy of a new puppy
2. The rapid heart beat of a small animal - even at rest
3. The joy and smiles brought by a four legged addition to the family
4. The patience necessary to survive multi-'potty' breaks after midnight, for OSCAR
5. The excitement displayed by OSCAR's waging tail, upon my arrival home following a long day at the office!
"And of every living thing of all flesh, you shall bring two of every kind into the ark, to keep them alive with you; they shall be male and female." Genesis 7:19
I have a friend who was quizzed once on 'animals going to heaven' and he said no... He got into a lot of trouble over that response. Now I do not know for certain about whether my pets will be with me is some type of relationship eternally, but they sure are a blessing and a gift in the present!
We have a new pet puppy named OSCAR. He is part dachshund and part terrier. He is now ten weeks old and such a joy! He is active and filled with energy. He is a poster child for ADHD in dogs. He is demanding and smart. He is small and fragile. He is messy and can produces messes. He is everything you would expect a little puppy to be.
But he is also gift. While I purchased him and lots of support materials/items to make him happy... he is gift. He has reminded me of the gift of life. He is present at all times. He is small in the grand universe and in the grander scheme of things. He is dependent and helpless. In so many ways he is just like me.
Thank You Father for the gift of OSCAR! Thank You for the reminder that I too may be small and dependent and messy - but in Your grand plan, somehow my life and presence brings You joy. And that is sufficient grace and mercy for me to celebrate!
SHALOM
JBA
1. The vitality and energy of a new puppy
2. The rapid heart beat of a small animal - even at rest
3. The joy and smiles brought by a four legged addition to the family
4. The patience necessary to survive multi-'potty' breaks after midnight, for OSCAR
5. The excitement displayed by OSCAR's waging tail, upon my arrival home following a long day at the office!
"And of every living thing of all flesh, you shall bring two of every kind into the ark, to keep them alive with you; they shall be male and female." Genesis 7:19
I have a friend who was quizzed once on 'animals going to heaven' and he said no... He got into a lot of trouble over that response. Now I do not know for certain about whether my pets will be with me is some type of relationship eternally, but they sure are a blessing and a gift in the present!
We have a new pet puppy named OSCAR. He is part dachshund and part terrier. He is now ten weeks old and such a joy! He is active and filled with energy. He is a poster child for ADHD in dogs. He is demanding and smart. He is small and fragile. He is messy and can produces messes. He is everything you would expect a little puppy to be.
But he is also gift. While I purchased him and lots of support materials/items to make him happy... he is gift. He has reminded me of the gift of life. He is present at all times. He is small in the grand universe and in the grander scheme of things. He is dependent and helpless. In so many ways he is just like me.
Thank You Father for the gift of OSCAR! Thank You for the reminder that I too may be small and dependent and messy - but in Your grand plan, somehow my life and presence brings You joy. And that is sufficient grace and mercy for me to celebrate!
SHALOM
JBA
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