The Blessing of Self-Awareness

Gratitude Journal
1. Journaling - on again/off again since 8th grade
2. Spiritual retreats - significant encounters with nature
3. Special authors who put words to my deepest thoughts
4. Special people - counselors, pastors, friends... gifts on my journey!
5. Prayer - in all it's forms!

Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you... JEREMIAH 1:5

When I was younger I spent lots of time day-dreaming. When I needed to escape my surroundings or some anxious time all I needed to do was stare out the window and I could enter a world of peace and hope and no pain. I could construct castles, develop relationships with a host of people - young and old alike, and travel not only to distant, exotic places, but also to unusual places as well... I once dreamed of living in the innermost part of a small tree in our backyard.

As I grew older the authorities in my life became more demanding of my time. There were expectations for study and appropriate attentiveness and behaviors. Time for 'dreaming' came less often. But also greater stress and depression began to creep into my experience.

I was never physically wounded or harmed by my family of origin, but 'the sins of the fathers (and mothers)' really were passed down from several generations and compounded before they landed on my path. I do not blame or hold responsible anyone before me! God knows they had to carry their own woundedness and burdens!

If I have a regret it is that the gift of self-awareness, self-confidence, and self-discipline were not available to me much earlier!

Richard Rohr says that we spend the first half of our lives building the container and the second half of life working on the content.

I believe I went way past the first half of my life working on the outside, while plagued by emotional wounds and pains that prevented me from moving on more appropriately and productively. My inner journey was born late and it has proved to be the most rewarding.

In recent years I have been introduced to persons who reflect on the faith journey in new and exciting ways. Many of them have been wounded too. Yet they have made peace with the past and have offered their musings as bits of hope and joy for others. Nouwen, Merton, Buechner, Rohr, Oliver are just a few.

Assessments too have been tools; MBTI and the Emmeagram have been most helpful.

I wish I could give this gift to others. But alas, it is one that must be unwrapped by each of us. Yet, I do plan on Coaching folks toward greater sensitivity to their inner voice. And I pray that my questions will reap rewards for those I engage along the remainder of my odyssey!

SHALOM
J