Gratitude -
1. Visits with acquaintances that turn to friendship
2. New wheels!
3. THANKSGIVING - and American tradition...
The gathering of family and friends!
4. My health
5, Early morning quiet time for reflection.
"Where should we look for the Day of Coming? And Jesus answered, Don't look here and don't look there!" Luke 17:23
We do not see things as they are. We see things as we are...
How often do we hear some modern day prophet 'yellin' in our direction and asserting that THEY have the answer. Just listen to them and they will provide all the answers we need to overcome any obstacle.
The older I get the more I realize no one has the answer. We are all on a journey and my experience ALWAYS colors the answers I may profess to have at any given time.
While I agree we should respect those in authority and grant due respect toward our elders, far too many of them are just becoming 'elderly' and have not done enough homework on their own path for me to listen to them for guidance. It is so confusing and unreasonable as to why one should listen to these 'prophets' for any understanding about God or anything else! I am sickened by folks that 'got their religion and all the answers they needed' when they were ten or twelve and their faith stance has not changed one iota since that time long ago. They have the 'formula' and nothing about their walk with God has grown.
I am most frustrated with myself. I am the worlds worst. I catch myself oh so often living as if God's story is over and done. Living as if there is no more movement of God in 'burning bushes' or 'walks on water;, much less as if the 'still small voice' has been stilled and there is nothing left for me to seek or grow toward!
God grant Your mercy and grace this day as I consciously seek to be open to where You are leading and changes in my long held patterns of relating not only to You, but my brothers as well.
Through Christ I pray.
Amen
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
When is change a gift? Change always equals some type of death...
Gratitude -
1. Dwight - moving toward lay Dominican
2. Donovan's blog
3. Brandon's ordination
4. Cleaning out and throwing away
5. The gift of CHANGE!
“The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; REPENT (change your mind) and believe in the gospel.” Mark 1:15
“Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life – even though invisible to spectators – is with Christ in God. He is your life. Col. 3:3
Some of us enter the Thanksgiving season with sadness. We may have lost significant people in our lives. Grandpa will not be sitting at the head of the table to carve the turkey. Aunt Elizabeth’s disease finally took its toll and she will not be with the children and grandchildren for this annual family gathering. Some families may have lost younger members too – a child, a spouse, maybe a sibling…
Loss takes many forms. It might be health which may entail chronic physical pain. A host of people in America have lost jobs. Due to economic stressors others have lost their homes over the past twelve months. Some have experienced ‘natural’ disasters forcing them from home and livelihood.
In the midst of all this loss can we say any of this is ‘gift’?
Several years ago I was introduced to the idea of ‘Cradle Episcopalians’ – meaning the person was born and reared in that particular denomination. I sorta chuckled and with some degree of pride thought to myself how thankful I was I had not been ‘born’ into any church. I was a Baptist and at the ripe old age of 11, I had made my own decision regarding church membership.
As ludicrous as this might sound to me today there was a time when I had to change my understanding of just what a free choice I had made. In all actuality I too was born on a denominational pew like most others attending church. My pew just happened to be a Baptist pew and it was the only faith tradition I had ever known. So the thought of making my own decision regarding church membership was almost laughable. I chose to be Baptist in large part because that was where my parents attended and I wanted to ‘belong’ too.
Now as an adult I find I am called to change (to die) to lots of old understandings. In her recent book “An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith,” Barbara Brown Taylor talks about the benefits of going through loss. She suggest that we stick to predictable routes through life, preferring what is efficient and safe to that which is dangerous, unknown or wild.
“And yet,” she writes, “if someone asked us to pinpoint the times in our lives that changed us for the better, a lot of those times would be wilderness times.” She cites times like divorce, a move, illness or a career change as times when change (death) forces us to put on new glasses; to see though different lens.
Recently my journey has begun to shift and I have been challenged to consider other ways of looking into the Mystery we call GOD.
As we enter these two special seasons of the year – one secular and the other very sacred territory – I invite all of us to embrace this time as seasons for change to happen. Some new considerations might cause us to die to some items in our life that may have served their function. Maybe it is time to let them go. Stand and risk a new idea, a new way of being embraced by the Mystery and possibly a GOOD NEWS way of seeing things might arrive as a gift. It will not be easy. But it will be a gift if we dare to follow!
AMEN
1. Dwight - moving toward lay Dominican
2. Donovan's blog
3. Brandon's ordination
4. Cleaning out and throwing away
5. The gift of CHANGE!
“The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; REPENT (change your mind) and believe in the gospel.” Mark 1:15
“Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life – even though invisible to spectators – is with Christ in God. He is your life. Col. 3:3
Some of us enter the Thanksgiving season with sadness. We may have lost significant people in our lives. Grandpa will not be sitting at the head of the table to carve the turkey. Aunt Elizabeth’s disease finally took its toll and she will not be with the children and grandchildren for this annual family gathering. Some families may have lost younger members too – a child, a spouse, maybe a sibling…
Loss takes many forms. It might be health which may entail chronic physical pain. A host of people in America have lost jobs. Due to economic stressors others have lost their homes over the past twelve months. Some have experienced ‘natural’ disasters forcing them from home and livelihood.
In the midst of all this loss can we say any of this is ‘gift’?
Several years ago I was introduced to the idea of ‘Cradle Episcopalians’ – meaning the person was born and reared in that particular denomination. I sorta chuckled and with some degree of pride thought to myself how thankful I was I had not been ‘born’ into any church. I was a Baptist and at the ripe old age of 11, I had made my own decision regarding church membership.
As ludicrous as this might sound to me today there was a time when I had to change my understanding of just what a free choice I had made. In all actuality I too was born on a denominational pew like most others attending church. My pew just happened to be a Baptist pew and it was the only faith tradition I had ever known. So the thought of making my own decision regarding church membership was almost laughable. I chose to be Baptist in large part because that was where my parents attended and I wanted to ‘belong’ too.
Now as an adult I find I am called to change (to die) to lots of old understandings. In her recent book “An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith,” Barbara Brown Taylor talks about the benefits of going through loss. She suggest that we stick to predictable routes through life, preferring what is efficient and safe to that which is dangerous, unknown or wild.
“And yet,” she writes, “if someone asked us to pinpoint the times in our lives that changed us for the better, a lot of those times would be wilderness times.” She cites times like divorce, a move, illness or a career change as times when change (death) forces us to put on new glasses; to see though different lens.
Recently my journey has begun to shift and I have been challenged to consider other ways of looking into the Mystery we call GOD.
As we enter these two special seasons of the year – one secular and the other very sacred territory – I invite all of us to embrace this time as seasons for change to happen. Some new considerations might cause us to die to some items in our life that may have served their function. Maybe it is time to let them go. Stand and risk a new idea, a new way of being embraced by the Mystery and possibly a GOOD NEWS way of seeing things might arrive as a gift. It will not be easy. But it will be a gift if we dare to follow!
AMEN
Friday, November 6, 2009
A reason for joy...
Gratitude -
1. Harper Elizabeth Adams - born 11-5-08
HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY!!!
2. The colors of autumn
3. Being back in Art Class
4. A NEW computer...
5. Unbelievable joy - not giddy happiness -
but serious, deep, abiding joy with life
"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" CHARLIE BROWN aka Peanuts Cartoon
Have you ever had a day or a period in your life when you were happy or filled with joy and you were not exactly sure why OR where it was coming from? Such is this time in my life.
I have been on a high since my recent retreat where we focused on Male Spirituality. I have a friend who was reared in Texas and she insists it is the Texas air. 'It gets deep inside and you are never the same.' (thanks Sandy - makes as much sense as anything else - ha)
However, I have to believe it has to do with relationships and new insights. The relationships with my seven new brothers - now known as the Joshua Brothers - was deep and real. Although we did not know titles and background, we begin to be vulnerable with one another almost immediately. We shared our hurts and pain. We talked of old wounds and baggage we had carried to cover our pain for an incredibly long time.
Then we sat together without speaking and honored one another. We prayed for each other and we offered hope, without trying to fix or change anyone. Ever so slowly we trusted ourselves to each ritual and never judged another.
There were indeed differences between us. Faith, age, nationality, probably our vocations were very different although we never ask, fears over sexuality issues, wounds to those we loved, past addictions that were still fresh, suicide ideation, and much more... We were all struggling.
We had all built big walls. The walls were in place to cover our pain and protect us. Over time the walls began to crack. One of our leaders shared 'the LIGHT shines through the broken places'. And that was the case for each one of us. We all found grace!
I must admit that I had known this word for a long time. I have preached it for years. However, I had never known grace in relationship to other men. I had felt they were generally judging me and I was coming up a failure. This feeling was almost as old as I am...
So the relationships with these new brothers and with God were pivotal. The insights still come as I learn to sit in silence, contemplating my brothers, their grace toward me and God and His grace too. (more about contemplation in the future) While I know I am broken - I also rejoice that the light shines through...
May you too know such joy!
SHALOM
JBA
1. Harper Elizabeth Adams - born 11-5-08
HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY!!!
2. The colors of autumn
3. Being back in Art Class
4. A NEW computer...
5. Unbelievable joy - not giddy happiness -
but serious, deep, abiding joy with life
"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" CHARLIE BROWN aka Peanuts Cartoon
Have you ever had a day or a period in your life when you were happy or filled with joy and you were not exactly sure why OR where it was coming from? Such is this time in my life.
I have been on a high since my recent retreat where we focused on Male Spirituality. I have a friend who was reared in Texas and she insists it is the Texas air. 'It gets deep inside and you are never the same.' (thanks Sandy - makes as much sense as anything else - ha)
However, I have to believe it has to do with relationships and new insights. The relationships with my seven new brothers - now known as the Joshua Brothers - was deep and real. Although we did not know titles and background, we begin to be vulnerable with one another almost immediately. We shared our hurts and pain. We talked of old wounds and baggage we had carried to cover our pain for an incredibly long time.
Then we sat together without speaking and honored one another. We prayed for each other and we offered hope, without trying to fix or change anyone. Ever so slowly we trusted ourselves to each ritual and never judged another.
There were indeed differences between us. Faith, age, nationality, probably our vocations were very different although we never ask, fears over sexuality issues, wounds to those we loved, past addictions that were still fresh, suicide ideation, and much more... We were all struggling.
We had all built big walls. The walls were in place to cover our pain and protect us. Over time the walls began to crack. One of our leaders shared 'the LIGHT shines through the broken places'. And that was the case for each one of us. We all found grace!
I must admit that I had known this word for a long time. I have preached it for years. However, I had never known grace in relationship to other men. I had felt they were generally judging me and I was coming up a failure. This feeling was almost as old as I am...
So the relationships with these new brothers and with God were pivotal. The insights still come as I learn to sit in silence, contemplating my brothers, their grace toward me and God and His grace too. (more about contemplation in the future) While I know I am broken - I also rejoice that the light shines through...
May you too know such joy!
SHALOM
JBA
Sunday, November 1, 2009
The old way has to go...
Gratitude -
New brothers!
- Being touched, deep in my soul
- En-courage-ment
- Texas Hill Country
- Wes Eades
Jesus said: “You're looking for proof, but you're looking for the wrong kind. All you want is something to titillate your curiosity, satisfy your lust for miracles. The only proof you're going to get is what looks like the absence of proof: Jonah-evidence.” THE MESSAGE – Matt. 12
Over the past week I have experienced the most transforming event of my life.
Now I have begun to look over every aspect of life – my life – and assess my priorities and energy. I am filled with questions and joy like never before. I am excited about life! While I do not doubt past decisions and commitments, God has definitely opened new doors of understanding that continue to rattle old ways of thinking! But it is more than intellectual growth – it is a heart change too.
I was blessed to take part in the Males Rights of Passage (MROP) retreat in the Hill Country of Texas. About 40 men gathered for sharing and study for five days. We only shared first names - no titles or vocations, no passing of business cards... I joined seven men as my 'home group'. We spent an incredible amount of time baring our souls with one another, along with our deepest fears. All sorts of anguish rushed forth. Hopes for the future, along with failures and losses of the past.. Woundedness inflicted not only by our families, but also ridicule and pain perpetuated by our young friends became almost too difficult to bear. We cried together about the pain we too had inflicted on others!
We took part in rituals and teachings. We played drums with abandon. We walked though mud and took long hikes. We started and ended the day with prayer and reflection. We spent over 8 hours in total silence and we also spent this time fasting.
So, what did I learn? What has changed? What did I experience? GOD'S LOVE – deeper and more cleansing than ever before! Jesus loves me, this I know... I learned that I have developed a shell (ego), thinking it would protect me and keep me safe. However, it has only caused more and more pain for me and those I love and become heavier and heavier to carry and maintain.
For way too long I have been a part of a worthiness system when it comes to my faith journey. If I did just the right things, (attend church, contribute money to the poor, be kind to neighbors and strangers, etc...) then I would make God happy with me. He/She was sitting in heaven with a big black book, keeping score. Unfortunately I was rarely, deeply happy. Didn't laugh much and joy was a thing of my past. I had adopted a sick system and the true me was so deeply buried, I couldn't recognize grace, must less accept it as the gift it is!
And yes, I have heard all this before. I have actually preached it. But this time it is different. Something profoundly new is happening deep within me. I may struggle with the words, but the WORD has touched me like never before... And I want to say that while the burden is easy, living out this new truth is hard. I have already allowed too much of this experience to slip away and I have returned to too many of my old ways - but they must die. And that is my new goal and new calling.
In the months ahead I will be sharing bits and pieces of my journey. Not as an exhibit, but as 'one beggar who has found some crumbs and willing to share...'. I invite your feedback and questions along the way.
Lord, thank You for this day. Continue to remove the false self I have been building for so long. May honesty be my goal – with myself and with You! Use me to be graceful toward all. May I forgive as I have been forgiven. AMEN
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Always living in anticipation...
Gratitude -
1. Peace and quiet
2. Fall Weddings
3. Unexpected 'gifts'...
4. Hugs
5. Farm Town!
Always living in anticipation may mean I miss this moment!
I believe life is gift! We did not do anything, nor can we do anything to deserve it... It just 'is'. However, I find myself living a lot of my life in the great not yet - living in anticipation of what will be. Looking forward to trips or projects or finishing tasks or a visit or maybe even Santa.
While there is nothing inherently wrong or sinful about the excitement of anticipation (or the dread) I wonder what I may overlook and miss out on in this moment by always looking ahead?
"Waiting for Godot" was a play written in the last century. A cast of characters appear on stage with minimal props, but all are waiting - waiting on someone named Godot. Of course, he never arrives. In some ways it is a tragic play because Godot represents GOD. And the story line indicates no matter what ones' hopes or dreams or desires or needs might be, GOD has the tendency to always disappoint because He/She never shows up.
Where is God for you? Is He/She always 'out there' somewhere in the great beyond? Do you live life always waiting? I know that I live way too much of my life in the great not yet... planning, preparing, anticipating, hoping, dreaming, longing, wondering and wandering - not that often arriving!
Lord, what would it take for me to be in this very moment with You? My prayer this day is for clarity in each moment, yet hope - and being alive to reality, yet faith. May I be found giving thanks for what is - not in anxiety regarding what is not yet... Grant that I may accept Your grace and be thankful. May I be thankful for each breath and rejoice.
Through Christ, O Lord
AMEN
1. Peace and quiet
2. Fall Weddings
3. Unexpected 'gifts'...
4. Hugs
5. Farm Town!
Always living in anticipation may mean I miss this moment!
I believe life is gift! We did not do anything, nor can we do anything to deserve it... It just 'is'. However, I find myself living a lot of my life in the great not yet - living in anticipation of what will be. Looking forward to trips or projects or finishing tasks or a visit or maybe even Santa.
While there is nothing inherently wrong or sinful about the excitement of anticipation (or the dread) I wonder what I may overlook and miss out on in this moment by always looking ahead?
"Waiting for Godot" was a play written in the last century. A cast of characters appear on stage with minimal props, but all are waiting - waiting on someone named Godot. Of course, he never arrives. In some ways it is a tragic play because Godot represents GOD. And the story line indicates no matter what ones' hopes or dreams or desires or needs might be, GOD has the tendency to always disappoint because He/She never shows up.
Where is God for you? Is He/She always 'out there' somewhere in the great beyond? Do you live life always waiting? I know that I live way too much of my life in the great not yet... planning, preparing, anticipating, hoping, dreaming, longing, wondering and wandering - not that often arriving!
Lord, what would it take for me to be in this very moment with You? My prayer this day is for clarity in each moment, yet hope - and being alive to reality, yet faith. May I be found giving thanks for what is - not in anxiety regarding what is not yet... Grant that I may accept Your grace and be thankful. May I be thankful for each breath and rejoice.
Through Christ, O Lord
AMEN
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Private logic...
Gratitude -
1. The human mind
2. The human body
3. The human spirit
4. Stretching in all three!
5. Growth - no matter the age...
When two people are in a similar situation, there are a zillion and one ways they will not see the world precisely the same. That unique perspective is called 'private logic' - a term coined by psychologist Alfred Adler.
Humans are an incredible mixture of gifts. Some hold gifts of intelligence while others have great physical abilities. The older I get the more I respect the 'fathers and mothers' of our world - the ancients, both dead and alive, that still share their wisdom and speak to our spirit.
But with the passing of time I have turned some kind of corner on accepting another person's private view or interpretation of anything as totally sacred. Yes, they might have great insight and understanding. Plaques and diplomas may fill their walls indicating their learnedness. They may have achieved much on the ladder of earthly success and be called 'leader - pastor - CEO - author - president'. Terms like 'charismatic' or 'great' may be used to describe them. Trophies may fill their bookcases and line their walls. Some may call them 'church fathers' or 'saint'. Yet, they only have their own 'private logic' to share... some truth and some fiction. Not one of us captures all truth!
For one reared in the Bible Belt and nurtured in the concept of 'deny yourself' and 'respect all authorities', this is new territory for me. I am growing to appreciate my own private logic and see it valid in discourse and dialogue with others. While I respect all authorities, I also have the right to respectfully disagree with authority. I have the right to my own interpretations. And as long as I remain in a faithful community of brothers and sisters commited to the journey, I will be fine. It is a balance I now seek!
Holy scripture says, "Come let us reason together"
Lord - thank You for my own mind, body and spirit! I give You thanks for those along my path who have nurtured and informed my way. Those who have challenged and encouraged. But forgive me for waiting so long to trust my own core and my own relationship with You. I give thanks that I am still a work in progress and process. Grant that I may continue to trust our journey.
Through Christ, I pray
AMEN
1. The human mind
2. The human body
3. The human spirit
4. Stretching in all three!
5. Growth - no matter the age...
When two people are in a similar situation, there are a zillion and one ways they will not see the world precisely the same. That unique perspective is called 'private logic' - a term coined by psychologist Alfred Adler.
Humans are an incredible mixture of gifts. Some hold gifts of intelligence while others have great physical abilities. The older I get the more I respect the 'fathers and mothers' of our world - the ancients, both dead and alive, that still share their wisdom and speak to our spirit.
But with the passing of time I have turned some kind of corner on accepting another person's private view or interpretation of anything as totally sacred. Yes, they might have great insight and understanding. Plaques and diplomas may fill their walls indicating their learnedness. They may have achieved much on the ladder of earthly success and be called 'leader - pastor - CEO - author - president'. Terms like 'charismatic' or 'great' may be used to describe them. Trophies may fill their bookcases and line their walls. Some may call them 'church fathers' or 'saint'. Yet, they only have their own 'private logic' to share... some truth and some fiction. Not one of us captures all truth!
For one reared in the Bible Belt and nurtured in the concept of 'deny yourself' and 'respect all authorities', this is new territory for me. I am growing to appreciate my own private logic and see it valid in discourse and dialogue with others. While I respect all authorities, I also have the right to respectfully disagree with authority. I have the right to my own interpretations. And as long as I remain in a faithful community of brothers and sisters commited to the journey, I will be fine. It is a balance I now seek!
Holy scripture says, "Come let us reason together"
Lord - thank You for my own mind, body and spirit! I give You thanks for those along my path who have nurtured and informed my way. Those who have challenged and encouraged. But forgive me for waiting so long to trust my own core and my own relationship with You. I give thanks that I am still a work in progress and process. Grant that I may continue to trust our journey.
Through Christ, I pray
AMEN
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Generosity
Gratitude Journal -
1. Generous people
2. Reunions with old friends
3. The gift of humor
4. SEC Football Saturdays
5. Chris and Jenny's farm!
Since there are no luggage racks on top of the hearse,
I guess we will all be generous in the end...
It is one thing to be generous with our own property and belongings,
it is another to be generous with our benevolence and positive attitude toward others!
A recent visit with friends of long ago reminded me of deep gaps between some of these brothers and sisters in our ancient past. Yet, in the few hours we spent together we chose to be not just civil, but actually caring toward one another. Some had lost their spouse, while others had serious physical struggles. Others shared wounds suffered in the recent economic pains being born by so many in our nation over this past year or two. Together we grieved the loss of mutual friends who used to walk the halls with us, share jokes and laughter, and pray along side us in chapel...
I wonder if we were just all on our best behavior or if something more was afoot. If we scratched just a little bit I am sure we could have started some lively and possibly troubling exchange. However, I believe we all desired, not just to be peaceful with one another, but to actually find ways to 'connect'. The deep hope was to be generous toward one another. To be gracious and kind and forgiving and supportive. To be merciful and truly care - in the name of Christ, the One who brought us together in the first place.
Sure, I could have given up a little money, if called upon. I might have provided food, clothes, shelter or contributed in several different ways to be of encouragement toward some of my old friends. However God granted a change in my attitude and in my heart. In that special moment in time, it was as if I saw with a new set of eyes.
Lord - I pray for my 'friends' and their current journey. Bless each one! However I also pray that I might not rest in my past. Open before me Your continuing grace and may I be generous toward all - friend and stranger alike. Jesus' example - with thousands or one on one - is my best guide. Grant that Your Holy Spirit will lead me to see opportunities to open my heart and may I have the will to do so...
In Christ I pray -
AMEN
1. Generous people
2. Reunions with old friends
3. The gift of humor
4. SEC Football Saturdays
5. Chris and Jenny's farm!
Since there are no luggage racks on top of the hearse,
I guess we will all be generous in the end...
It is one thing to be generous with our own property and belongings,
it is another to be generous with our benevolence and positive attitude toward others!
A recent visit with friends of long ago reminded me of deep gaps between some of these brothers and sisters in our ancient past. Yet, in the few hours we spent together we chose to be not just civil, but actually caring toward one another. Some had lost their spouse, while others had serious physical struggles. Others shared wounds suffered in the recent economic pains being born by so many in our nation over this past year or two. Together we grieved the loss of mutual friends who used to walk the halls with us, share jokes and laughter, and pray along side us in chapel...
I wonder if we were just all on our best behavior or if something more was afoot. If we scratched just a little bit I am sure we could have started some lively and possibly troubling exchange. However, I believe we all desired, not just to be peaceful with one another, but to actually find ways to 'connect'. The deep hope was to be generous toward one another. To be gracious and kind and forgiving and supportive. To be merciful and truly care - in the name of Christ, the One who brought us together in the first place.
Sure, I could have given up a little money, if called upon. I might have provided food, clothes, shelter or contributed in several different ways to be of encouragement toward some of my old friends. However God granted a change in my attitude and in my heart. In that special moment in time, it was as if I saw with a new set of eyes.
Lord - I pray for my 'friends' and their current journey. Bless each one! However I also pray that I might not rest in my past. Open before me Your continuing grace and may I be generous toward all - friend and stranger alike. Jesus' example - with thousands or one on one - is my best guide. Grant that Your Holy Spirit will lead me to see opportunities to open my heart and may I have the will to do so...
In Christ I pray -
AMEN
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