Gratitude Journal
1. Ruth Elizabeth Adcock
2. Grandma's faith
3. Grandma's laughter... even today!
4. My wife's family
5. My own fifty-five plus years of memories...
"Raise up a child in the way it should go and when it is old, it will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6
Grandma has not been with us for the past two months. At least, not the Grandma of old. She suffered a stroke and lost most of her short term memory. Every day we have to introduce her to the staff or her room and furniture. In the early hours of the day she slowly wanders the halls looking for her mom and dad. If she makes it until July 1, 2012 - she will have lived 94 years. That is a lot of candles!
Grandma has been a part of my life since before her daughter, Mary Beth and I married in 1966. When I graduated from college we left and moved over 1000 miles away from Mary Beth's family - something I still have regrets about, even today. It was almost a year before they were able to visit us and almost two years before we made the trip all the way back to their home in Florida.
I am sure there were tears on their end... particularly for Grandma. However, she was never critical. And that has been true of her nature all along. She has rarely had an unkind thing to say about anyone through the years.
These recent months have been difficult for both me and Mary Beth. This once vibrant personality is but a small frail shadow of who she use to be. On occasion we are able to get a smile from her. There are brief moments when she will actually laugh out loud, but we don't know why. She tries to talk to us, but the words are gibberish most times.
She is most settled when I read scripture to her. Particularly when I read those passages that would be most familiar: Psalm 23 or some Parable or the beginnings of Genesis. She will be calm and peaceful and then try to say something back. I sooth myself into believing that she is pleased and appreciative and that the words touch some deep place within.
Grandma's journey is not what we expected in August when we moved her to Hospice Care. Removing all the meds we thought we hasten her peaceful transition. However, God knew better. Grandma rebounded and now eats better than I do. She is slowing and declining for sure. But each day we visit not knowing what new chapter we/she may face.
It definitely is a long journey home... It is a long, long journey! And it is a journey we would not have wished for this dear saint. But we trust her faith is still in her God and there is something she is teaching us as we walk with her...
We are thankful for those who minister to her needs when we are not around. We are thankful for calls and notes of concern from family and friends. We have much to be thankful for.
God, we pray for peace and hope to sustain Grandma and us as we all continue on this journey in Your care!
SHALOM
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
The Blessing of Self-Awareness
Gratitude Journal
1. Journaling - on again/off again since 8th grade
2. Spiritual retreats - significant encounters with nature
3. Special authors who put words to my deepest thoughts
4. Special people - counselors, pastors, friends... gifts on my journey!
5. Prayer - in all it's forms!
Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you... JEREMIAH 1:5
When I was younger I spent lots of time day-dreaming. When I needed to escape my surroundings or some anxious time all I needed to do was stare out the window and I could enter a world of peace and hope and no pain. I could construct castles, develop relationships with a host of people - young and old alike, and travel not only to distant, exotic places, but also to unusual places as well... I once dreamed of living in the innermost part of a small tree in our backyard.
As I grew older the authorities in my life became more demanding of my time. There were expectations for study and appropriate attentiveness and behaviors. Time for 'dreaming' came less often. But also greater stress and depression began to creep into my experience.
I was never physically wounded or harmed by my family of origin, but 'the sins of the fathers (and mothers)' really were passed down from several generations and compounded before they landed on my path. I do not blame or hold responsible anyone before me! God knows they had to carry their own woundedness and burdens!
If I have a regret it is that the gift of self-awareness, self-confidence, and self-discipline were not available to me much earlier!
Richard Rohr says that we spend the first half of our lives building the container and the second half of life working on the content.
I believe I went way past the first half of my life working on the outside, while plagued by emotional wounds and pains that prevented me from moving on more appropriately and productively. My inner journey was born late and it has proved to be the most rewarding.
In recent years I have been introduced to persons who reflect on the faith journey in new and exciting ways. Many of them have been wounded too. Yet they have made peace with the past and have offered their musings as bits of hope and joy for others. Nouwen, Merton, Buechner, Rohr, Oliver are just a few.
Assessments too have been tools; MBTI and the Emmeagram have been most helpful.
I wish I could give this gift to others. But alas, it is one that must be unwrapped by each of us. Yet, I do plan on Coaching folks toward greater sensitivity to their inner voice. And I pray that my questions will reap rewards for those I engage along the remainder of my odyssey!
SHALOM
J
1. Journaling - on again/off again since 8th grade
2. Spiritual retreats - significant encounters with nature
3. Special authors who put words to my deepest thoughts
4. Special people - counselors, pastors, friends... gifts on my journey!
5. Prayer - in all it's forms!
Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you... JEREMIAH 1:5
When I was younger I spent lots of time day-dreaming. When I needed to escape my surroundings or some anxious time all I needed to do was stare out the window and I could enter a world of peace and hope and no pain. I could construct castles, develop relationships with a host of people - young and old alike, and travel not only to distant, exotic places, but also to unusual places as well... I once dreamed of living in the innermost part of a small tree in our backyard.
As I grew older the authorities in my life became more demanding of my time. There were expectations for study and appropriate attentiveness and behaviors. Time for 'dreaming' came less often. But also greater stress and depression began to creep into my experience.
I was never physically wounded or harmed by my family of origin, but 'the sins of the fathers (and mothers)' really were passed down from several generations and compounded before they landed on my path. I do not blame or hold responsible anyone before me! God knows they had to carry their own woundedness and burdens!
If I have a regret it is that the gift of self-awareness, self-confidence, and self-discipline were not available to me much earlier!
Richard Rohr says that we spend the first half of our lives building the container and the second half of life working on the content.
I believe I went way past the first half of my life working on the outside, while plagued by emotional wounds and pains that prevented me from moving on more appropriately and productively. My inner journey was born late and it has proved to be the most rewarding.
In recent years I have been introduced to persons who reflect on the faith journey in new and exciting ways. Many of them have been wounded too. Yet they have made peace with the past and have offered their musings as bits of hope and joy for others. Nouwen, Merton, Buechner, Rohr, Oliver are just a few.
Assessments too have been tools; MBTI and the Emmeagram have been most helpful.
I wish I could give this gift to others. But alas, it is one that must be unwrapped by each of us. Yet, I do plan on Coaching folks toward greater sensitivity to their inner voice. And I pray that my questions will reap rewards for those I engage along the remainder of my odyssey!
SHALOM
J
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
A New Puppy Named OSCAR...
Gratitude Journal
1. The vitality and energy of a new puppy
2. The rapid heart beat of a small animal - even at rest
3. The joy and smiles brought by a four legged addition to the family
4. The patience necessary to survive multi-'potty' breaks after midnight, for OSCAR
5. The excitement displayed by OSCAR's waging tail, upon my arrival home following a long day at the office!
"And of every living thing of all flesh, you shall bring two of every kind into the ark, to keep them alive with you; they shall be male and female." Genesis 7:19
I have a friend who was quizzed once on 'animals going to heaven' and he said no... He got into a lot of trouble over that response. Now I do not know for certain about whether my pets will be with me is some type of relationship eternally, but they sure are a blessing and a gift in the present!
We have a new pet puppy named OSCAR. He is part dachshund and part terrier. He is now ten weeks old and such a joy! He is active and filled with energy. He is a poster child for ADHD in dogs. He is demanding and smart. He is small and fragile. He is messy and can produces messes. He is everything you would expect a little puppy to be.
But he is also gift. While I purchased him and lots of support materials/items to make him happy... he is gift. He has reminded me of the gift of life. He is present at all times. He is small in the grand universe and in the grander scheme of things. He is dependent and helpless. In so many ways he is just like me.
Thank You Father for the gift of OSCAR! Thank You for the reminder that I too may be small and dependent and messy - but in Your grand plan, somehow my life and presence brings You joy. And that is sufficient grace and mercy for me to celebrate!
SHALOM
JBA
1. The vitality and energy of a new puppy
2. The rapid heart beat of a small animal - even at rest
3. The joy and smiles brought by a four legged addition to the family
4. The patience necessary to survive multi-'potty' breaks after midnight, for OSCAR
5. The excitement displayed by OSCAR's waging tail, upon my arrival home following a long day at the office!
"And of every living thing of all flesh, you shall bring two of every kind into the ark, to keep them alive with you; they shall be male and female." Genesis 7:19
I have a friend who was quizzed once on 'animals going to heaven' and he said no... He got into a lot of trouble over that response. Now I do not know for certain about whether my pets will be with me is some type of relationship eternally, but they sure are a blessing and a gift in the present!
We have a new pet puppy named OSCAR. He is part dachshund and part terrier. He is now ten weeks old and such a joy! He is active and filled with energy. He is a poster child for ADHD in dogs. He is demanding and smart. He is small and fragile. He is messy and can produces messes. He is everything you would expect a little puppy to be.
But he is also gift. While I purchased him and lots of support materials/items to make him happy... he is gift. He has reminded me of the gift of life. He is present at all times. He is small in the grand universe and in the grander scheme of things. He is dependent and helpless. In so many ways he is just like me.
Thank You Father for the gift of OSCAR! Thank You for the reminder that I too may be small and dependent and messy - but in Your grand plan, somehow my life and presence brings You joy. And that is sufficient grace and mercy for me to celebrate!
SHALOM
JBA
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Epiphany - a time of gifts - even illness!
Gratitude Journal
1. Wise men
2. A Holy Story
3. Memory of previous Holy Days
4. Growth
5. Growth through weakness...
They entered the house and saw the child in the arms of Mary, his mother. Overcome, they kneeled and worshiped him. Then they opened their luggage and presented gifts: gold, frankincense, myrrh. Matthew 2:11
Spending time with a friend in recent days, discussing weakness. He has struggled with health issues - nothing grave, just a persistent cold - over the Christmas break. His faith journey attributes even illness as a possible 'gift' and tool for God to gain his attention.
My liberal, protestant faith refrains from saying God sends sickness, in any form, to anyone. God can and does work in dis-eased times in our lives for our good. But God does not 'cause' it...
In reflective times following our chats I have struggled. If God is in all things, and is all powerful and the ultimate creator, why is illness and even death part of our path? And from whence does it originate, if not from God? This is not a new question. I have tackled it many times and it remains a mystery for me today!
Epiphany is a time to remember the Wise Men of old. Not only their journey, but their gifts as well. The gifts - gold, frankincense and myrrh - represented perfection and purity. There is not hint in the 'three kings' narratives of anything less than the highest and best bowing down to the young Jesus.
If my friend is right and illness is used by the Holy Father to bring about redemption and restoration, maybe - just maybe - the next time I face less than good health (or even someone I love must deal with pain and physical suffering) I will be more open to that time as 'gift time' too. Maybe it can be not only a time for God to 'work in all things', but a time for me to work on my side and see within my journey what I need to offer back to God.
SHALOM
1. Wise men
2. A Holy Story
3. Memory of previous Holy Days
4. Growth
5. Growth through weakness...
They entered the house and saw the child in the arms of Mary, his mother. Overcome, they kneeled and worshiped him. Then they opened their luggage and presented gifts: gold, frankincense, myrrh. Matthew 2:11
Spending time with a friend in recent days, discussing weakness. He has struggled with health issues - nothing grave, just a persistent cold - over the Christmas break. His faith journey attributes even illness as a possible 'gift' and tool for God to gain his attention.
My liberal, protestant faith refrains from saying God sends sickness, in any form, to anyone. God can and does work in dis-eased times in our lives for our good. But God does not 'cause' it...
In reflective times following our chats I have struggled. If God is in all things, and is all powerful and the ultimate creator, why is illness and even death part of our path? And from whence does it originate, if not from God? This is not a new question. I have tackled it many times and it remains a mystery for me today!
Epiphany is a time to remember the Wise Men of old. Not only their journey, but their gifts as well. The gifts - gold, frankincense and myrrh - represented perfection and purity. There is not hint in the 'three kings' narratives of anything less than the highest and best bowing down to the young Jesus.
If my friend is right and illness is used by the Holy Father to bring about redemption and restoration, maybe - just maybe - the next time I face less than good health (or even someone I love must deal with pain and physical suffering) I will be more open to that time as 'gift time' too. Maybe it can be not only a time for God to 'work in all things', but a time for me to work on my side and see within my journey what I need to offer back to God.
SHALOM
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Christmas Cheer...
Gratitude Journal
1. Decorations of the season
2. Sacred music of the season
3. The use of candles through the season
4. The joy of a child's heart in this season
5. God's continued overcoming of what we have done to the season!
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10
I have often heard this verse (particularly the latter portion), used this time of year to provide some safety net for those who both give and receive abundantly. Yet, it might be good for us to read the total verse and reflect.
A thief may be defined in many ways. One who steals what does not belong. One who takes without thought of the pain and heartache of the one who looses some item. This verse goes on to say that the thief not only steals, but also kills and destroys. This really takes things to the next level of severity.
Fortunately I have never been labeled a thief. Nor have I killed or sought to destroy another person. However, in recent times of reflection on the Christian life and my commitment to God's kingdom, I have begun to take more seriously what I have done that is less than pure when it comes to 'a full life'!
When have I really share the abundance I have with another... to the point of sacrifice? When have I killed the spirit of a child? When have I denied the wealth of resources available to me to stop another's pain and suffering? When have I been an advocate for those who are the 'least of these'...? When have I taken a stand that goes against popular cultural norms? When have I risk being misunderstood for the sake of an individual or family that have been marginalized?
As I partake in "Christmas Cheer..." this year, God convict me over and over to have eyes to see and hears to hear and feet to walk and hands to service. In the true love of the Christ child I pray! AMEN
1. Decorations of the season
2. Sacred music of the season
3. The use of candles through the season
4. The joy of a child's heart in this season
5. God's continued overcoming of what we have done to the season!
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10
I have often heard this verse (particularly the latter portion), used this time of year to provide some safety net for those who both give and receive abundantly. Yet, it might be good for us to read the total verse and reflect.
A thief may be defined in many ways. One who steals what does not belong. One who takes without thought of the pain and heartache of the one who looses some item. This verse goes on to say that the thief not only steals, but also kills and destroys. This really takes things to the next level of severity.
Fortunately I have never been labeled a thief. Nor have I killed or sought to destroy another person. However, in recent times of reflection on the Christian life and my commitment to God's kingdom, I have begun to take more seriously what I have done that is less than pure when it comes to 'a full life'!
When have I really share the abundance I have with another... to the point of sacrifice? When have I killed the spirit of a child? When have I denied the wealth of resources available to me to stop another's pain and suffering? When have I been an advocate for those who are the 'least of these'...? When have I taken a stand that goes against popular cultural norms? When have I risk being misunderstood for the sake of an individual or family that have been marginalized?
As I partake in "Christmas Cheer..." this year, God convict me over and over to have eyes to see and hears to hear and feet to walk and hands to service. In the true love of the Christ child I pray! AMEN
Saturday, October 29, 2011
The Harvest...
Gratitude Journal
1. Last harvest of autumn
2. Beautiful foliage of fall!
3. Pumpkins
4. First frost on windshield
5. Flannel shirts
These is something bittersweet about the Autumn season! Watching leaves turn from green to red to brown in a matter of a few days. Watching as they descend slowly to the ground. Hearing their crunch under foot. Feeling a soft breeze turn cool. Although welcomed after a long, hot summer, the change can also bring a reminder of the cycle which all life experiences: birth - growth - strength - decline - death...
Something about the fall as precursor of winter and cold days with roaring fires, brings promise of quiet opportunities for reading and reflection. An abundance of sunlight has always meant a faster pace, activity and movement; that seems to slow down with shorter daytime hours. I look forward to some quiet.
The older I get the more I desire to reflect on the journey. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the journey, but I haven't always spent enough time in 'thanksgiving' for the path. Nor have I spent much time considering the seeds I have planted along the way!
As I take some time to plant daffodil bulbs for springtime, I pray that God will find delight in previous 'plantings' I have made (both conscious and unconscious) and forgive the blunders I've made and redeem and bring forth the appropriate fruit in due season.
SHALOM
J
1. Last harvest of autumn
2. Beautiful foliage of fall!
3. Pumpkins
4. First frost on windshield
5. Flannel shirts
But the seed in the good earth - these are the good-hearts who seize the Word and hold on no matter what, sticking with it until there's a harvest. Luke 8:15 (The Message)
These is something bittersweet about the Autumn season! Watching leaves turn from green to red to brown in a matter of a few days. Watching as they descend slowly to the ground. Hearing their crunch under foot. Feeling a soft breeze turn cool. Although welcomed after a long, hot summer, the change can also bring a reminder of the cycle which all life experiences: birth - growth - strength - decline - death...
Something about the fall as precursor of winter and cold days with roaring fires, brings promise of quiet opportunities for reading and reflection. An abundance of sunlight has always meant a faster pace, activity and movement; that seems to slow down with shorter daytime hours. I look forward to some quiet.
The older I get the more I desire to reflect on the journey. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the journey, but I haven't always spent enough time in 'thanksgiving' for the path. Nor have I spent much time considering the seeds I have planted along the way!
As I take some time to plant daffodil bulbs for springtime, I pray that God will find delight in previous 'plantings' I have made (both conscious and unconscious) and forgive the blunders I've made and redeem and bring forth the appropriate fruit in due season.
SHALOM
J
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Old Photos - Gift of Memory
Gratitude Journal 10-11
1. Movies that touch my soul
2. The return of a precious memory
3. Cousins and other relatives
4. Friends that are close as family
5. The gift of forgetting...
A recent rush to complete a family photo-album project required quick decisions to be made regarding holding onto old family pictures. Some were over 100 years old. Others were more current... BUT, for me to say current, the photos were still old!
I am reminded of Robin Williams character in the movie: Dead Poets Society. He took a group of young men to a display case filled with trophies and old photos of school athletes. He whispered over their shoulders into their ears. He told them to look hard into the eyes of the young faces in those old photos. He challenged them to see the bodies full of vigor and ready for combat on the football field of long ago. Then he said, 'the young men in the photos are now dead and time is fleeting.' He whispered to his young students that they too needed to seize the day - Carpa Diem!
As I looked over my own past - school photos of long ago, pictures of family members and ancient reunions, images of church groups and homes we lived in during formative years - I was there all over again. In those moments I was able to go back. I could remember not just the persons, but the emotions that filled my days and nights. I could visit rooms and smell my mamma's cooking. I could see the wrinkles in my grandma's face. I revisited joyful times with my favorite pets.
My childhood from the outside, was blessed. AND I do indeed have much to be thankful for. Good parents, a sister and a large extended family with good friends, enough of the basics of life to never be physically uncomfortable. But, there were scars and wounds that few knew about in those early years. I was emotionally abused as a child. Not intentionally, but with all the love and care that wounded parents could provide me!
One staple for me was God and the gift of a Christian community of faith. While there have been some very lonely periods filled with deep regret and pain, I have never gone for long without the loving heavenly Father touching my path or guiding my way. I have experienced 'the dark night of the soul' on several occasions. But there have always been pastors, or friends, or even strangers that appeared at just the right time to offer hope and healing.
So, as I continue to look at this project and hold old photos of days long ago... as I feel the experiences flooding over me with waves of emotions I thought were packed far away... I give thanks all over again. Christ is the Alpha and the Omega. Not just for all of creation, but for the gift of my life and my life's journey.
SHALOM
JOHN
1. Movies that touch my soul
2. The return of a precious memory
3. Cousins and other relatives
4. Friends that are close as family
5. The gift of forgetting...
I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end...Rev. 22:13
A recent rush to complete a family photo-album project required quick decisions to be made regarding holding onto old family pictures. Some were over 100 years old. Others were more current... BUT, for me to say current, the photos were still old!
I am reminded of Robin Williams character in the movie: Dead Poets Society. He took a group of young men to a display case filled with trophies and old photos of school athletes. He whispered over their shoulders into their ears. He told them to look hard into the eyes of the young faces in those old photos. He challenged them to see the bodies full of vigor and ready for combat on the football field of long ago. Then he said, 'the young men in the photos are now dead and time is fleeting.' He whispered to his young students that they too needed to seize the day - Carpa Diem!
As I looked over my own past - school photos of long ago, pictures of family members and ancient reunions, images of church groups and homes we lived in during formative years - I was there all over again. In those moments I was able to go back. I could remember not just the persons, but the emotions that filled my days and nights. I could visit rooms and smell my mamma's cooking. I could see the wrinkles in my grandma's face. I revisited joyful times with my favorite pets.
My childhood from the outside, was blessed. AND I do indeed have much to be thankful for. Good parents, a sister and a large extended family with good friends, enough of the basics of life to never be physically uncomfortable. But, there were scars and wounds that few knew about in those early years. I was emotionally abused as a child. Not intentionally, but with all the love and care that wounded parents could provide me!
One staple for me was God and the gift of a Christian community of faith. While there have been some very lonely periods filled with deep regret and pain, I have never gone for long without the loving heavenly Father touching my path or guiding my way. I have experienced 'the dark night of the soul' on several occasions. But there have always been pastors, or friends, or even strangers that appeared at just the right time to offer hope and healing.
So, as I continue to look at this project and hold old photos of days long ago... as I feel the experiences flooding over me with waves of emotions I thought were packed far away... I give thanks all over again. Christ is the Alpha and the Omega. Not just for all of creation, but for the gift of my life and my life's journey.
SHALOM
JOHN
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