John's Gratitude Journal

A New Puppy Named OSCAR...

2012-02-08T11:34:00.003-05:00

Gratitude Journal
1. The vitality and energy of a new puppy
2. The rapid heart beat of a small animal - even at rest
3. The joy and smiles brought by a four legged addition to the family
4. The patience necessary to survive multi-'potty' breaks after midnight, for OSCAR
5. The excitement displayed by OSCAR's waging tail, upon my arrival home following a long day at the office!

"And of every living thing of all flesh, you shall bring two of every kind into the ark, to keep them alive with you; they shall be male and female." Genesis 7:19

I have a friend who was quizzed once on 'animals going to heaven' and he said no... He got into a lot of trouble over that response. Now I do not know for certain about whether my pets will be with me is some type of relationship eternally, but they sure are a blessing and a gift in the present!

We have a new pet puppy named OSCAR. He is part dachshund and part terrier. He is now ten weeks old and such a joy! He is active and filled with energy. He is a poster child for ADHD in dogs. He is demanding and smart. He is small and fragile. He is messy and can produces messes. He is everything you would expect a little puppy to be.

But he is also gift. While I purchased him and lots of support materials/items to make him happy... he is gift. He has reminded me of the gift of life. He is present at all times. He is small in the grand universe and in the grander scheme of things. He is dependent and helpless. In so many ways he is just like me.

Thank You Father for the gift of OSCAR! Thank You for the reminder that I too may be small and dependent and messy - but in Your grand plan, somehow my life and presence brings You joy. And that is sufficient grace and mercy for me to celebrate!

SHALOM
JBA

Epiphany - a time of gifts - even illness!

2012-01-07T10:58:00.003-05:00

Gratitude Journal
1. Wise men
2. A Holy Story
3. Memory of previous Holy Days
4. Growth
5. Growth through weakness...

They entered the house and saw the child in the arms of Mary, his mother. Overcome, they kneeled and worshiped him. Then they opened their luggage and presented gifts: gold, frankincense, myrrh. Matthew 2:11

Spending time with a friend in recent days, discussing weakness. He has struggled with health issues - nothing grave, just a persistent cold - over the Christmas break. His faith journey attributes even illness as a possible 'gift' and tool for God to gain his attention.

My liberal, protestant faith refrains from saying God sends sickness, in any form, to anyone. God can and does work in dis-eased times in our lives for our good. But God does not 'cause' it...

In reflective times following our chats I have struggled. If God is in all things, and is all powerful and the ultimate creator, why is illness and even death part of our path? And from whence does it originate, if not from God? This is not a new question. I have tackled it many times and it remains a mystery for me today!

Epiphany is a time to remember the Wise Men of old. Not only their journey, but their gifts as well. The gifts - gold, frankincense and myrrh - represented perfection and purity. There is not hint in the 'three kings' narratives of anything less than the highest and best bowing down to the young Jesus.

If my friend is right and illness is used by the Holy Father to bring about redemption and restoration, maybe - just maybe - the next time I face less than good health (or even someone I love must deal with pain and physical suffering) I will be more open to that time as 'gift time' too. Maybe it can be not only a time for God to 'work in all things', but a time for me to work on my side and see within my journey what I need to offer back to God.

SHALOM

Christmas Cheer...

2011-12-01T10:30:00.003-05:00

Gratitude Journal
1. Decorations of the season
2. Sacred music of the season
3. The use of candles through the season
4. The joy of a child's heart in this season
5. God's continued overcoming of what we have done to the season!

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

I have often heard this verse (particularly the latter portion), used this time of year to provide some safety net for those who both give and receive abundantly. Yet, it might be good for us to read the total verse and reflect.

A thief may be defined in many ways. One who steals what does not belong. One who takes without thought of the pain and heartache of the one who looses some item. This verse goes on to say that the thief not only steals, but also kills and destroys. This really takes things to the next level of severity.

Fortunately I have never been labeled a thief. Nor have I killed or sought to destroy another person. However, in recent times of reflection on the Christian life and my commitment to God's kingdom, I have begun to take more seriously what I have done that is less than pure when it comes to 'a full life'!

When have I really share the abundance I have with another... to the point of sacrifice? When have I killed the spirit of a child? When have I denied the wealth of resources available to me to stop another's pain and suffering? When have I been an advocate for those who are the 'least of these'...? When have I taken a stand that goes against popular cultural norms? When have I risk being misunderstood for the sake of an individual or family that have been marginalized?

As I partake in "Christmas Cheer..." this year, God convict me over and over to have eyes to see and hears to hear and feet to walk and hands to service. In the true love of the Christ child I pray! AMEN

The Harvest...

2011-10-29T16:39:00.003-04:00

Gratitude Journal
1. Last harvest of autumn
2. Beautiful foliage of fall!
3. Pumpkins
4. First frost on windshield
5. Flannel shirts

But the seed in the good earth - these are the good-hearts who seize the Word and hold on no matter what, sticking with it until there's a harvest. Luke 8:15 (The Message)

These is something bittersweet about the Autumn season! Watching leaves turn from green to red to brown in a matter of a few days. Watching as they descend slowly to the ground. Hearing their crunch under foot. Feeling a soft breeze turn cool. Although welcomed after a long, hot summer, the change can also bring a reminder of the cycle which all life experiences: birth - growth - strength - decline - death...

Something about the fall as precursor of winter and cold days with roaring fires, brings promise of quiet opportunities for reading and reflection. An abundance of sunlight has always meant a faster pace, activity and movement; that seems to slow down with shorter daytime hours. I look forward to some quiet.

The older I get the more I desire to reflect on the journey. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the journey, but I haven't always spent enough time in 'thanksgiving' for the path. Nor have I spent much time considering the seeds I have planted along the way!

As I take some time to plant daffodil bulbs for springtime, I pray that God will find delight in previous 'plantings' I have made (both conscious and unconscious) and forgive the blunders I've made and redeem and bring forth the appropriate fruit in due season.

SHALOM
J

Old Photos - Gift of Memory

2011-10-12T09:11:00.002-04:00

Gratitude Journal 10-11
1. Movies that touch my soul
2. The return of a precious memory
3. Cousins and other relatives
4. Friends that are close as family
5. The gift of forgetting...

I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end...
Rev. 22:13

A recent rush to complete a family photo-album project required quick decisions to be made regarding holding onto old family pictures. Some were over 100 years old. Others were more current... BUT, for me to say current, the photos were still old!

I am reminded of Robin Williams character in the movie: Dead Poets Society. He took a group of young men to a display case filled with trophies and old photos of school athletes. He whispered over their shoulders into their ears. He told them to look hard into the eyes of the young faces in those old photos. He challenged them to see the bodies full of vigor and ready for combat on the football field of long ago. Then he said, 'the young men in the photos are now dead and time is fleeting.' He whispered to his young students that they too needed to seize the day - Carpa Diem!

As I looked over my own past - school photos of long ago, pictures of family members and ancient reunions, images of church groups and homes we lived in during formative years - I was there all over again. In those moments I was able to go back. I could remember not just the persons, but the emotions that filled my days and nights. I could visit rooms and smell my mamma's cooking. I could see the wrinkles in my grandma's face. I revisited joyful times with my favorite pets.

My childhood from the outside, was blessed. AND I do indeed have much to be thankful for. Good parents, a sister and a large extended family with good friends, enough of the basics of life to never be physically uncomfortable. But, there were scars and wounds that few knew about in those early years. I was emotionally abused as a child. Not intentionally, but with all the love and care that wounded parents could provide me!

One staple for me was God and the gift of a Christian community of faith. While there have been some very lonely periods filled with deep regret and pain, I have never gone for long without the loving heavenly Father touching my path or guiding my way. I have experienced 'the dark night of the soul' on several occasions. But there have always been pastors, or friends, or even strangers that appeared at just the right time to offer hope and healing.

So, as I continue to look at this project and hold old photos of days long ago... as I feel the experiences flooding over me with waves of emotions I thought were packed far away... I give thanks all over again. Christ is the Alpha and the Omega. Not just for all of creation, but for the gift of my life and my life's journey.

SHALOM
JOHN

Merton Continues to Speak...

2011-09-08T07:16:00.002-04:00

Gratitude Journal

1. Nurses and CNA's who work in Nursing Homes!
2. The Power of Stories... and the gift of remembrance.
3. First Days of School Each Year!
4. Cool Fall Weather - Signs of Things To Come
5. The Shoulder of Spiritual Giants on Whom We Build of Faith Journey!

In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is Your strength. Isaiah 30:15

Thomas Merton is one of those GIANTS of the faith mentioned above! His words have touched and brought healing and hope during some pretty dark stretches of my own journey.

Recently, listening to the news - famine, financial insecurities, 9-11, health concerns and more - I have been renewed by Merton's words... So today, I share a few of his words in hope and with trust that they might speak to you!

If we forget that the laws and organization of the Church are there only to preserve the inner life of character, we will tend to make the observance of law an end in itself... and this makes genuine holiness impossible, since holiness is the fullness of life, the abundance of charity and the radiation of Holy Spirit hidden within us.

The Holy Spirit does not abolish the Old Law, the exterior command: he makes the same law interior to ourselves, so that doing God's will becomes now no longer a work of fear, but a word of spontaneous love.

But now that Christ has laid down his life and risen from the dead, to take possession of us by his Spirit, the Spirit himself, dwelling in us, should be to us a law.

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I follow Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does, in fact, please You. And I hope that I have the desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, You will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust You always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death, I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.

AMEN

Friendship... across the miles - across the years!

2011-08-06T14:47:00.003-04:00

Gratitude Journal
1. Memory of friends in special places
2. Memory of friends in special groups
3. Memory of friends from special chapters of my life
4. Memory of friends
5. Memory!

I thank God for every remembrance of thee. Phil 1:3

I recently experienced one of those roller coasters of stress and anxiety that life can throw our way some times. I flew to Denver for a week long conference one day and later that same evening I received word that a family member back home was very ill. She had been hospitalized.

Immediately I was surrounded by close friends who sustained me - supported me - loved me - and cared for my emotions through the next 24 hours as I planned my return home.

This experience reminded me of the many times I have been 'held' by friends during difficult times. Friends are such a gift. To all those folks - past and present - who have touched my life in special ways I give God thanks!

We were not destined to live in isolation. Even the most introverted person needs community. We need persons who care and reach out... not just in times of stress and anxiety, but also friends who rejoice and celebrate with us in the good times.

I also was reminded of the gift of memory. I was blessed to be able to see - in my minds eye - that great cloud of folks who have sustained me through difficult situations or hugged me or whispered words of encouragement or held my hand or touched my shoulder offering physical and emotional strength. Those visual reminders brought joy.

Sometimes we find ourselves in places or events that pinch real hard. In those moments I suggest we stop - breath deep and seek to listen to those special people God has given us. People who are not just people. True friends are not just pieces of furniture we push around the stage of our lives. Friends are gifts from God.

For each of you - I pray in this moment you know how much you mean to me and how much I both love and appreciate your love in return!

SHALOM
J

Little girl with her dogs...

2011-07-13T10:15:00.002-04:00

Gratitude Journal
1. Prayer gardens - the gift of special places!
2. Prayer partners - the gift of people who care!
3. Prayer rope - the gift of intentionality!
4. Prayer with others - the gift of community!
5. Prayer - the gift of relationship!

Isaiah 52:6 "Therefore my people shall know my name. Therefore in that day they shall know that it is I who speak; here am I.”

Little girl with her dogs...

Right outside my office window is a statue. In fact there are several. But this particular one is bronze. There is a bench with a small child, a little girl with a pony tail, holding one puppy while another looks on from her right.

I have been very blessed to work in a place that provides spaces! Special places of refuge for those who are deeply wounded and struggling with pain. Generally that pain is psychic. It is not seen or most often not available to the naked eye. But it is there.

I have actually heard ministers and religious workers say they wish their wounds were visible for the world to behold. There might be more compassion and support. Yet, many live in a world of assumptions about the strength and courage and holiness pastors should display. They are dumped on by well-meaning folks who want their pastor to talk about God's laws, but not about God's grace. And there are times when the minister is dealing with the normal wounds of life - troubled kids, addictions, money issues, health concerns, trying to cover too many bases with too little time, etc. - that all families face. However, the message to the minister is not to share their grief or struggle. They are 'so close with God' that these matters should not be in the perfect picture of a minister and his/her family life. At the very least, not shared publicly.

Have you ever lived under such stress?

The statue is a gentle reminder that we are not alone. Someone calls out to us and we recognise the voice and delight in our presence. Someone is glad that we exist and that we are available. Whatever pain or difficulty we are welcomed to sit close and find joy.

Thank you God for prayer! And thank You for the reminders in my life - sometimes right outside my window - of Your LOVE...

SHALOM

With THANKSGIVING and appreciation for Fran

2011-06-12T19:32:00.003-04:00

Gratitude Journal
1. Friendly times with new neighbors
2. Great worship!
3. Slow steady rain... on hot, dry days
4. SUPERMAN Undies (thanks Harper!)
5. BRAVES winning streak!

(In tribute to Fran Magoni, as she leaves the Pastoral Institute to move to the Macon Georgia area, to follow where God may lead her to offer her talents in ministry!)

"The person who trusts the Lord will be blessed." Jeremiah 17:7

I have known Fran since she arrived at the Pastoral Institute ___ years ago. She began her career with us as a secretary/receptionist for the Clergy Resource Center. Through the years her talents have been utilized in many ways including through the Servant Leadership program and most recently with our Right from the Start initiative.

At each turn along her path she has moved with greater and greater openness to the task before her. She was over-qualified to serve administratively. Yet she took on the opportunity with a smile and brought efficiency to the office. Later when she moved to Servant Leadership she did so with joy and excitement for the young people with whom she worked. I never witnessed her pointing accusatory fingers toward these young scholars for some blemish or failure, although I am sure many dropped the ball when Fran thought it was in secure hands.

Her recent leadership role at the Pastoral Institute has been - according to her words - a passion. Her desire to see folks experience wholeness and health in their significant relationships has been awesome to watch unfold. She has worked tirelessly on each new program, event, or aspect of our program. She has indeed been passionate. She has been a fierce defender of the great potential of this initiative and because of her belief that RFTS can make a difference, she has tackled tasks and obstacles with grace and a bright smile. And she biting her tongue when she had too.

What is it about Fran that I most admire? While we have not always agreed, throughout these years I have grown to appreciate Fran's faith. She truly trusts her Lord. While she does not wear it on her sleeve, she is willing to take a stand for what she believes is right and she trust that if she gives her best, God will bless the effort. That is a lesson I need not only to observe, but also to seek to emulate more within my own life. I sincerely appreciate the seeds you have planted and I know they will bear fruit for years to come.

Fran, thank you for being the gift you are and for coming my way! Please know I personally will miss you. I pray that our paths will cross again and often. And I rest assured that because of your strong faith God will continue to bless and use you in wonderful ways.

SHALOM
J

I buried BUDDY yesterday...

2011-05-28T07:48:00.002-04:00

Gratitude Journal 5-28-11
1. Buddy - great dog, wonderful pal - RIP - 1998-2011
2. Magnolia Manor West - nursing facility for grandma
3. Patient doctors who smooth the path and urge patience in their patients!
4. OPRAH's legacy to so many wounded through the years!
5. Friends...

"The Father has loved us so much that we are called children of God. And we really are His children" 1 John 3:1

The past two weeks have been a little more stressful than usual! My cell phone died, my home air-conditioning slowed down on some pretty hot days, and my heart was wounded in three significant ways. First, my grand-daughter (Harper) had to go into the hospital briefly for a biopsy. A small growth inside her left cheek was suspicious and now we wait. The doctor is good and her mom is resilient and we are all hopeful... but 'grandpa' couldn't be there.

Next, my mother-in-law (Grandma as I lovingly call her) had to be moved from the Assisted Living facility to Nursing Care after a week in the hospital. Heart rate, congestive heart failure, and one kidney all out of sync at one time. Not good... She is now discouraged and depressed (who wouldn't be) and Beth and I are cleaning out one small apartment and transferring her to an even smaller new 'home'.

And yesterday I buried BUDDY. He was a gift from our daughter back in 1998 when she was working with tornado victims in Birmingham. He was a true product of those storms back then and lived out his own storminess his whole life! We often laughed at his antics and described him as a poster pup for ADHD in dogs. He was a dalmatian-lab mix... black with white markings on his belly. Yesterday, when I went out to feed him I found him on his bed. It appeared he had just laid down and died. But it was unexpected!

So often death is unexpected. Whether we are talking about beloved pets or some old or young human brother and sister who has populated our lives.

Much has been said this week about OPRAH's leaving her T.V. program after 25 years. You either liked her or not. I happened to be one of her fans and I own that identity with pride! Although I rarely got to watch her show, on those occasions when I did I often was touched by her ability to 'connect the dots' in relationships. Tying us all together - red and yellow, black and white, old, young, rich and poor, gay and straight. AND she loved dogs too!

I sincerely do give gratitude this day! To the Mother/Father God who created us in an image of LOVE and HOPE and FREEDOM with the ability to be touched by deep moments of pain and times of incredible joy! A God who wanted us to know that we are not alone on this journey. A God who gave and continues to give us companions along our path - both human and the four-legged variety.

God THANK YOU for BUDDY. And Thank You for all the gifts over this ruff patch during these two weeks. While I am sure there will be even tougher times ahead, I am also confident in Your GRACE and LOVE and BLESSINGS of being one of YOUR kids.

Through Jesus
SHALOM
J

Mother's Day - and Mother/Father God

2011-05-05T16:24:00.003-04:00

Gratitude Journal 5-5-11
1. Reflecting on the 'gifts received' through my own mom!
2. Openness to nurturing relationships found through the feminine
3. Incorporation of those gifts into my own experience and skill-set
4. Seeing motherhood grow in my daughter and daughter-in-law...
they are the greatest!
5. Thanks-giving for my wife and the gift she is to our children and to me!

I will make you into a new creation. I will create in you and in your people the New Jerusalem. But you must let me love you and let me wipe away the tears from your eyes.

Rev 21:4-5

My life journey has allowed me the gift of many 'mothers' along the way. First was my own biological mom. She was with me for over 60 years. Significant teachers played a meaningful role. Next came my wife who has walked beside me for over 44 years. I have been generously blessed to have her as mother of our two children and it is such a joy to share grand-parenthood with her!

My mother-in-law has been an unexpected gift too. In earlier years I never thought about her intersect with my life. Again, such a wonder...

I am most thankful that I have lived long enough to recognize the 'divine feminine' and see God manifest within the special women in my life. How shortsighted it would have been to only see God as masculine. I would have lost so many wonderful opportunities to experience the divine if I had only eyes to see one half of God.

(AND I don't want to limit God to just male/female either. For me, God is manifest throughout all of creation...)

When is the last time you have allowed God to touch you, nurture you, wipe away a tear, hold and comfort you... love you? Most times those are considered feminine traits. We don't often expect men to be nurturing or sensitive or comforting. And when we see men exhibit such traits, we believe it to be unusual.

Yet if we expand our image of the Holy One to be both Mother as well as Father we may experience a deeper richer relationship with the Divine.

This Mother's Day - as you give thanks for the women in your life - don't forget our Creator. Pause and rejoice in the fullness of your God.

SHALOM
J

Family... tied together by EASTER!

2011-04-24T17:47:00.004-04:00

Gratitude Journal 4-24-11
1. Easter egg hunts
2. Beth's Easter meal! (delicious as usual)
3. Photos that remind me of precious moments...
4. Feeling welcomed
5. The gift of good rest!

'And they found the stone rolled away...

For the first time in ages my mother-in-law attended church with us today. She is almost 93 years old and now lives in an Assisted Living facility 30 minutes away. But today, we sat side by side. She allowed me to hold her hand through most of the 'preaching' - she could not hear and looked out the window in long distant gazes.

I wondered where she was. Visiting church services long ago? Reviewing previous Easter's with family and friends?

Secondly I noticed I was sitting between grandma on one side and my grand-daughter on the other. A chronological distance of over ninety years in the making. Harper was at ease, listening to the music and the different voices. She was attuned to the movements. She was more at peace than we had anticipated. It was almost as if there was an echo between her 'presence' and grandma's 'presence'.

Easter ties family all together for me!

My family was not all under one physical roof today - two more grands, son/daughter-in-law, sister/brother-in-law and family, aunts/uncles/cousins. Like millions of others we struggle with relatives far away and we long for greater time together. Visits always are too shot and too infrequent!

It reminds me of the message of the 'stone being rolled away'.

I may not have been physically present with many of those I love but I am thankful for the larger roof that covers us all... both near and far. It is Christ's LOVE! God's mercy and grace and the very gift of life itself is mystery. I don't know how the stone got moved away on that Easter morning - maybe God's hand itself OR the angels OR... who knows? I don't know why our family is 'our family' either! Why were we born at this particular time? Why are we related? Why have we been so blessed?

It is all mystery. It is not for us/me to know the answers now. Yet, in some strange way it is all about EASTER - all part of the EASTER message - ultimately all about the LOVE OF GOD!

Hallelujah!

SHALOM
J

Palm SUNDAY - not just childs play!

2011-04-17T06:11:00.003-04:00

Gratitude Journal
1. Subtle stories and simple truths
2. Anticipation...
3. Teaching opportunities that go well!
4. Classie restaurants in small towns.
5. The 'Family of God'...

"Hosanna: to the Son of David!" "Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!" "Hosanna" in the highest!" (Matthew21:9

In a recent review of my years in ministry I began to reflect on the high holy days of the Christian calendar. How did I lead the various congregations in celebration? How did we enter into the experience? What would I attempt now that I did not do then?

One of the most glaring omissions was the involvement of adults in the pageantry! I remember well that on many a Palm Sunday we would have some form of greenery for the 'children' to walk down the aisle waving, while all the adults in the congregation smiled or sang a hymn. Some of the bystanders laughed at a wayward child who was 'doing his own then' with his palm branch. I don't remember a time when the whole congregation - particularly any adult - waved a palm branch. Maybe the one walking with the kids, trying to get them down the aisle to the altar, but never the whole 'body of Christ' we were there to embody.

What a loss! If I had it to do over again I would place a branch in every ones hand. Or better yet, have the whole church go out into the church yard, cut a small branch (first hand) and begin singing and waving the branches as we re-entered the sanctuary.

Young and old alike would be singing Hosanna in the highest. There would be singing and maybe a tambourine or two. A careful reading of the Matthew text indicates 'Nearly all the people in the crowd threw down their garments' and 'others cut branches from the trees'. There is no indication that this was child's play. No, adults were surely involved and celebrating and rejoicing... showing the children how it was done. The adults were very much involved.

Indeed, what a loss! I lost the opportunity to encourage adults to express their own deep joy of what the Christ had done for them - not just for children - but for all creation. It might have been awkward, but it might also have drawn all of us into the story a bit deeper.

O God, forward me for this small oversight along with oh so many more sins.
In the most Holy and Blessed name of Your Son - the Christ - I pray...

AMEN

Contemplation... the task of the second half of life!

2011-04-10T07:22:00.003-04:00

Gratitude Journal 4-10-11
1. Three days of 'retreat' to Norwood Louisiana
2. Renewing kinship's with Wes, Ryan and Charlie from MROP
3. Talking to trees... and taking in all of creation!
4. The growth of men's spirituality within my own journey.
5. The 'ministry' and 'gift' to my life of Richard Rohr

"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength," Isaiah 30:15

It is way past time to 'listen' to God! For so many of us reared in evangelical circles, filled with plans and programs and projects, we have missed so much.

This past weekend (April 1-3) I was blessed to join 127 other men at a rustic retreat center with the purpose of rest and to slow down. It was peaceful and very quiet. We actually heard the birds and saw squirrels and fish stirred the small pond in swift, unexpected movements. The fresh spring green was just beginning to arrive as bright new faces amongst the evergreen. They darted in and out.

We were from 22 different states and a couple of foreign countries. Most did not know one another and our life path will most likely never intersect again. There were a few grand-fathers with their sons and grandsons. One dad was surrounded by his five young adult sons. Many were loners like myself, traveling far to 'get away' and reflect.

So what did I learn? Once again I was touched by grace. I was totally free to be me. I was accepted and affirmed for who I am - warts and all. We tried out contemplation as opportunity to 'be still and know'... Why Lord haven't I embraced this avenue more? Why has it taken so long?

I wish I had encouraged my son to join me for the weekend. It is not too late. There will be other times, I pray. Lord, slowing down is something I will do. Promoting contemplation and healing is a worthy goal but it must begin in me.

May it be so Lord.
SHALOM
J

$3:00 Worth of God, Please...

2011-03-27T07:39:00.003-04:00

Gratitude Journal 3-26-11
1. Rain to wash the pollen away!
2. Spring flowering trees
3. Thank-you notes and words of appreciation
4. Lunch with TMC Buddies
5. Honest people who return lost items...

"And when Simon saw that through laying on of the apostles' hands the Holy Spirit was given, he offered them money, Saying, Give me also this power, that on whomsoever I lay hands, he may receive the Holy Spirit. But Peter said unto him, Thy money perish with thee, because thou hast thought that the gift of God may be purchased with money." ACTS 8:18-20

I would like to buy $3:00 worth of God, please, not enough to explode my soul or disturb my sleep, but just enough to equal a cup of warm milk or a snooze in the sunshine. I don't want enough of Him to make me love a black man or pick beets with a migrant. I want ecstasy, not transformation; I want the warmth of the womb, not a new birth. I want a pound of the Eternal in a paper sack. I would like to buy $3:00 worth of God, please.

I first read this short reflection about 30 years ago. I was taken aback by the honesty and directness of the author. Through the years I have returned to this little volume numerous times (now out of print). I am thankful that I was blessed to find it! The sincere probing of the soul is refreshing - although not east some times.

Lord, this day may I be open to finding and accepting truth wherever I find it. Let me be honest with You and myself, so that I may be more open, transparent and honest with those around me.

AMEN

($3.00 Worth of God - Wilbur E. Rees - 1971)

What if Grace Wasn't Amazing?

2011-03-21T00:30:00.002-04:00

Gratitude Journal 3-20-11
1. Spring days - even the time change I like...
2. Visiting differing faith traditions on Sunday
3. Cleaning out and throwing away
4. Time with grand-kids!!!
5. Friends who speak the truth - thanks Wes.

What if Grace Wasn't Amazing?

I have no greater friend than Wes Eades of Waco, TX! We were on staff together, long ago, in a large church in the Kansas City area. He served as Minister to Youth and did an excellent job. He later went on to get a PhD and he became a Clinical Psychologist. He is wise beyond his years and his 'learning'. He is a dedicated man of faith and a wonderful, cherished friend...

In recent years Wes has developed his own blog called Practical Spirituality. When I read this 'edition' (Aug. 2010) I was taken aback by its simplicity and its truth. As usual I was deeply blessed. Even though I have not asked permission I know Wes would not mind my sharing this thoughtful reflection. If you would like to contact Wes about his blog you may reach him at wmeades@gmail.com

What if Grace Wasn't Amazing?

What if Grace was just run-of-mill common?

What if we just accepted how broken we all are, and stopped being so surprised when others act in broken ways?

What if Grace just naturally got in line ahead of judgment?

What if we didn't need to spend all those years judging others as weak, or immoral, or self-destructive before we discovered we are all weak, and immoral, and self-destructive?

What if we didn't have to suffer horribly on the way to Grace, and yet still didn't take Grace for granted, as though it were 'cheap' or easy?

What if when we couldn't contain our wounds we easily turned to others for help, and realise that is Grace at work?

I wonder if a place full of Run-of-the-Mill Common Grace would look like that mysterious "Kingdom of God" we hear about.

What if Grace wasn't so amazing?

I guess that would mess with some of our hymns.

AMEN

Grace all around...

2011-03-13T06:29:00.004-04:00

Gratitude Journal 3-13-11
1. Flat lands of South Georgia
2. Instant news - available 24/7
3. Miracles in Japan!
4. 3 Day Retreat with Presbyterians...
5. Home and my own bed

Fred Craddock is reported to have said:
"Some folks begin their theology with Gen. 3 instead of Gen. 1..."

Excellent thought! Met lots of folks that seem to begin their faith 'understandings' there, including myself.

If you have spent much time around faith communities you too have probably met folks who have some laundry list of things they believe - in all seriousness - that they/we must do to be loved by God. We 'earn' God's love by not doing certain things or by doing certain things.

The reason this is so very interesting to me is that I know myself to have fallen into that camp too often! My list may not be like another but it is still a list.

I can hear my internal 'messages'. 'Stop swearing' 'Give to the poor' 'Pray more often' 'You haven't read your Bible this week' 'Don't make jokes about people who are different' and the list goes on and on...

ALL these items are good. But they won't get me anywhere special. They just make me a 'good person'. Grace is totally different! Grace is totally free. I don't earn it. Nothing I can do on my own gets me anything more than anybody else. Grace is a totally free gift. God why don't I begin hearing Your message that I (and all mankind) are good? You created us in Your image. We don't have to do anything but accept the love and grace you offer.

To push the ball up the hill and try to have 'perfected' behavior is creating an idol. We can't do it. We can be good (and we should to the best of our ability) but we cannot be perfect. We can love our neighbor as our self - as best we can - and it still won't be perfect. It will only make us feel good. And it may be hard - but it doesn't 'earn' us anything more than any body else.

Father - this day - may I bear GRACE all around and receive Your Grace once more!
Through Jesus Christ I pray -

SHALOM
J

What God hath joined together...

2011-03-06T16:55:00.003-05:00

Gratitude Journal 3-6-11
1. Weddings!
2. Beautiful Bride (Noelle) and Handsome Groom (Barrett)
3. Immediate and extended families at times of celebration
4. Seminarians dancing...
5. Thoughtful worship at weddings! (THANKS LOYD...)

"What God hath joined together..."

A little over three years ago I met J. Barrett Owen. A young student minister at McAfee School of Theology he soon joined me as Co-Pastor of Union Baptist Church in West Point. We spent lots of time together planning, praying, leading worship and working on bringing together of mission and ministry to this wonderful congregation of thoughtful lay-persons.

Although there are many years between us we became fast friends. I was blessed and challenged by Barrett's eagerness to try new approaches and different ideas. He grew through learning patience and toleration of this 'elder'.

During many hours of sharing it was obvious that Barrett longed for a true 'soul-mate' to join him on the journey of life. On March 5th Barrett married Noelle Spears. We rejoiced with them and their families. They invited us to be a part of this wonderful worship experience and time of great transition in their lives!

For both Barrett and Noelle their beauty is more than surface - they are two folks with deep dedication and commitment to God and now to one another. They come from good stock. We wish them every good wish for a long and joy-filled life together! We are sure God will bless many through the ministries of these two great individuals as they now link their lives together.

Dr. Loyd Allen, professor at McAfee, conducted the worship service. The theme was 'Time with little memory and memory will little time.' If you sit with this thought and apply it to marriage you can easily understand the depth of these truths.

Beth and I give thanks that we have been able to share with this young couple over these past years. They are part of our own story now and we count it a blessing to have been incorporated into their story and families! May God bless their journey...

SHALOM
J

What's Good For Others is Good For...

2011-02-27T15:18:00.002-05:00

Gratitude Journal 2-27-11
1. Early leaf bubs on trees
2. HGTV (going to win that house!)
3. Early promise of good year for BRAVES
4. Young Minister Support Group
5. Sunday naps

Heard a radio minister re-telling the Bible story of Jesus feeding the 5,000.
He talked of the lack of faith of the disciples in feeding such a large group. The search for food and the young man (boy) with five loaves and two fish... He shared how the group was instructed to sit down in 'sections' to make distribution easier.

Then the radio minister chided all those folks who thought that the Bible story was no literally true. He talked of how some preachers and teachers today explain miracles away. Some (he said) interpreted that the cast of thousands in this story had brought sufficient food and 'when they saw the young man share his meager meal, they too took their lunches out and everyone had plenty to eat.'

This is where our friendly radio minister should have stopped.

However, after several more minutes of chiding others for their bad habits of adding things to scripture he began to get taken away liberties himself. He said... "you know, I just don't believe Jesus would give those folks cold fish. I bet it was nice and warm and tasty when they received it!"

Lord, isn't that just like me? Don't I too apply rules to others, yet when I get 'full of myself' I take liberties? Don't I point out the beam in my neighbor's eye without noticing the log in my own?

Lord forgive and remind me often.

SHALOM
J

I know it when I see it...

2011-02-19T17:05:00.004-05:00

Gratitude Journal 2-19-11
1. Valentine's Day with my special lady!
2. Doctors who know what they are talking about...
3. Opportunities to meet new folks
4. The return of BASEBALL SEASON - 2011
5. The gift of physical energy

REFLECTION...

Wouldn't it be great if one could look on any decision and see all the variety of thoughts that went into the 'solution' decided upon... whether it was my decision or yours? I believe most folks want to do their best. We are all just filled with details, life experiences, and influences beyond our own consciousness!

My experience as a Southern white male seems to indicate those of us in RED states are a bit quicker to pass judgement on our fellow citizens - both as Americans or as one who professes to be part of God's kingdom (and for me the two are not synonymous). It seems easy for me to look on my neighbor and see him or her as elitist or ignorant, brilliant or just plain stupid. He or she rarely acts with the same purity of heart or struggling with the personal flaws I find in myself. They either represent one extreme side or the other.

When I see grace and mercy my heart rejoices.
However, when I see folks questioning the motives of others I get queasy...

When I hear folks making decisions about what is in my best interest - particularly without asking me directly - I squirm.
Yet I rarely have difficulty expressing a quick opinion about 'what needs to be done'...

When I listen to preachers and pundits telling me what I 'should' think or what I 'should' believe... I rise up in defensiveness.
However, there are definitely times when I would love to tell others when I believe they are 'wrong'...

Wonder what might happen if I see these times as opportunities to address my own dark side?
Wonder what it might be like to see myself as a combination of both brilliance and a certain degree of flawedness too?

If I am honest both extremes are within me. I just need to grow more peaceful within my own skin. I KNOW IT WHEN I SEE IT. I know it when I can allow myself to be o.k. and when I allow others to be o.k. as they are.

I know about 'questioning the motives of others' because I do it myself. When a minister or legislator stands and proclaims what God intends and I know their understandings don't speak for me... instead of getting defensive maybe I would grow closer to God's kingdom if I found ways to address the same issue from another perspective and be open to honest dialogue?

Holy Scripture says, "Seek the truth and it will set you free." It doesn't say it will set others free when I HAVE THE TRUTH!

God help me to know it when I see it...
SHALOM

What say ye? Glass half empty.. OR Glass half full?

2011-02-13T16:48:00.002-05:00

Gratitude Journal
1. Return of bright sunny days!
2. Valentines Day - and all the fantasy involved...
3. Productive, restful days
4. HOPE from unexpected places!
5. Good medical reports for family and friends.

It is possible to become depressed and grumpy the older we get! For an introvert often longs periods of time alone can lead to too much reflection. Life may loose all joy and anticipation for something better may be lost.

Where are you today? I am definitely getting older! However, I have generally been pretty optimistic throughout my life journey. Some have actually accused me of being almost 'Pollyanna' about the realities of life. "John, go away if you are not willing to face the cold hard facts."

Well, I am facing cold, often hard facts and yet I plan on being committed to the view of the 'glass have full'. I believe we need to be transformed daily toward the positive. God knows that life can beat us down! And we can face hardships and disappointment at every corner.

BUT, Thank God - the battle has already been won. The victory is secure.

Let me hasten to add - I am not calling for everyone to 'put on a HAPPY FACE' or resort to wearing a WWJD bracelet. I am inviting an embrace of life as invitation and joy... not as the world defines 'happiness'... but joy in our hearts for the abundance and gifts we have received.

Take heart - God is our source and strength.
HALLELUJAH

SHALOM
John

Jesus knew what and when...?

2010-12-15T23:57:00.004-05:00

Gratitude Journal
1. Cold weather in December... feels like Christmas!
2. Little kids - torn between wanting to sit on Santa's lap and yet really not wanting to be anywhere near the jolly ole man.
3. Company Christmas parties - this years Western Theme, a real treat!
4. Photo's of grands when you aren't close enough for the real thing.
5. Advent Services in new chapel at Pastoral Institute.

"Suffer the little children to come unto me..."

Have you ever thought about what Jesus knew and when He recognized He was 'different'? Some scholars say on the Mount of Transfiguration. Others think He may never have really been sure, all the way to the grave. Still others say He may have had His first 'understandings' as early as the occasion with the learned in the Temple near His twelfth year.

Whatever the time may have been, I have yet to hear anyone propose that He arrived as a baby fully aware!

No the birth narratives are pretty much what they are... birth narratives. A baby born to a man and a woman of low estate. Either in a stall or stable or cave, but definitely not in a home, much less a hospital. He came as an infant. Crying, messy diapers (cloth, no less), nurtured at His mommas breast. Probably some sleepless nights due to gas. Eventually He had to learn to crawl, walk, talk, run, fall down and get up, and do all the other things a baby or young child has to do to accomplish the normal childhood development issues.

So what can an infant teach us about God? Very little theological education focuses on the baby Jesus. Yet I believe there are one or two blessings just in visiting and reflecting on the Christ Child of those early years.

1. Dependency. He came and was totally dependent. He had to rely on others to care for His every need.

2. He was open to receiving. He had to cry to gain attention like like all infants, but He also had to accept whatever care was provided... even when He was not able to recognize who was the provider.

3. He kept on growing. He may have enjoyed being held and playing with siblings and running and jumping and laughing. But he 'put away childish things' when the time was right.

Wonder what it would be like for me to accept just how dependent I am on Abba right now? Wonder what I might receive if I were open and willing, without choosing my resources? Wonder why I fear growth and continue to fall back into my old ruts and habits?

God - Christ Child - visit me once more.

AMEN

Incredible Love and Suffering

2010-12-09T06:48:00.003-05:00

Gratitude Journal
1. Advent and preparation time...
2. Christmas Cards
3. Seasonal dishes revisited
4. Christmas memories - even the tuff ones
5. High, HOLY Christmas music!

Incredible Love and Suffering

'Change only comes through two avenues: incredible love or suffering!'
Richard Rohr

The first time I heard RR say these words something rang very true about the message. I have known times in my life when I received such deep and profound love (I always called it grace) that I was amazed and awestruck!

But there have also been times when I had to face deep grief or loss or dark nights of the soul and my world appeared to be coming apart. Change definitely happened then too!

I have a dear friend. Over the past several years she has had cancer to return and return again. She has been in and out of the hospital. Her husband too has cancer and he is on dialyses. There are other family stressors... parent care, children and grand kid issues. When I look at her life I ask 'WHY LORD?'

Change. What does it mean to change? How have I changed? Where do I need to change? When will my friend be able to live in peace and not have to face so many changes?

While I believe change is caused by suffering, for my friend, why so much incredible suffering? Not sure I like this idea of some folks facing so much and others seemingly walking through life all snug and secure and un-changed... living self-centered and prejudice lives, while others struggle each moment of the day to make sense in their suffering!

Change. What does it mean to change and how does Advent call me to change? Lord, help me to be more loving and less judgmental! Forgive me and use me this Christmas season to respond in Your love. Grant some of Your peace to my friend and her family. Through Christ I pray.

AMEN

Paul's Thorn in the Flesh... and My Own!

2010-07-07T08:54:00.004-04:00

Gratitude Journal -
1. Fireworks
2. Productive weekends...
3. Anticipation of "Grandkid" visits!!!
(their parents too, of course)
4. Resting after they leave...
5. Exciting news for a great young couple
CONGRATULATIONS TO NOELLE AND BARRETT!!!

Paul's Thorn in the Flesh... and My Own!

Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me--to keep me from exalting myself! 2 Cor. 12:7

Throughout my years of ministry I have heard many differing opinions regarding Paul's thorn and what it might have been. Some indicate that he walked with a limp; others have said that his conversion on the Damascus Way blinded him and/or caused sight problems for the remainder of his life. Several joke-sters have indicated he 'must have been married.' Obviously, no one really knows...

But I know my own thorn! While I am not trying to be coy nor do I want to bait anyone into '20 questions', I will not share my thorn. But I know it is there. It has been with me for years - probably since birth. But it is mine...

There are days when I am comfortable with it, like an old shoe. I know it and know its energy and can manage it quite well. There are other times when I am much weaker and struggle mightily to deal with my thorn. I have to wrestle it and fight it and hold it off. It becomes like a monster that will not let me go.

Over these last years of spiritual growth - hopefully some maturity as well - I have come to decide that I benefit most when I acknowledge my 'helplessness' in this struggle and like my brothers/sisters in AA - take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. Some times I am successful. Other times I need a 'sponsor' to call, to pray for me, to walk beside me in silence, to remind me that I am not alone. "Your higher power is available, John. Call for strength and courage and you will make it through to solid ground."

I do not consider myself a 'victim'. I am a human with a 'thorn' like millions of others. It may cause me great personal or professional harm. It may continue to wound me for the remainder of my life. But today, I celebrate that it will not have the final word on my life. I am loved. I was created in God's image. And God has my beginning and my end in His/Her hands. I will not fear. I will live by faith...

My prayer for you is that we can be 'fellow-strugglers' together. I will pray for you and your journey and I give thanks for your prayers for by pilgrimage too.

SHALOM
J

What do boys need from their fathers?

2010-06-21T09:55:00.004-04:00

Gratitude Journal
1. The gift of observing my son as a father! - Great job...
2. The gifts from my own father -
even though unintentionally wounding, many gifts indeed!
3. Significant men along my path who have personally 'fathered' me - THANKS
4. The ancient fathers in the faith - for their legacy
5. The HOLY FATHER - who welcomed this prodigal home...

The following is a passage from Richard Rohr's writings. It was recently part of his daily devotional thoughts provided through the Center for Action and Contemplation. I find his offerings always stir my own faith journey! This one specifically spoke to me both personally and professionally. MAY IT BE A GIFT TO YOU!

What do boys need from their fathers?

When I was giving priests’ retreats in Peru, a sister working in the main prison in Lima told me a story I have never forgotten. She said as Mother’s Day was approaching the prisoners kept asking for Mother’s Day cards. She brought card after card so they could write to Madre. As Father’s Day approached she decided to be better prepared. She bought an entire case of Father’s Day cards, so she could give them to the prisoners when they asked. She told me that case is still sitting in her office because no one asked for a Father’s Day card. She couldn't give them away!

My friend looked at me with tears in her eyes because she understood the source of so much suffering. She realized so many of the men were in prison because they never had a good father or a father at all. Sometimes I think the “father wound” might be the most common wound on this earth.

I wonder if the jails and prisons of the world would not be much emptier if young boys had fathers to bless them, encourage them, and initiate them into manhood.

God save us - God heal us - God encourage hope in us

SHALOM
J

Beth Retires... and Moves to Next Chapter!

2010-06-10T09:47:00.003-04:00

Gratitude -
1. Vocation and Calling
2. Friends and loved ones on the journey...
3. Planting seeds
4. Companionship!
5. New chapters in life

"By the seventh day God completed His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done." Genesis 2:2

I have always believed that the story of God 'working' for seven days and completing His weeks work was just part of a bigger story. In verses regarding creation of human-kind it indicates that God invites His creatures to 'name the animals and be fruitful and multiply.' In other words, creation was not finished. O'Conner's book - Eighth Day of Creation primed that pump for me.

Since then, I have believed God got up on that eighth day and continued the process He had begun the first week. However, now He had helpers-partners. And I also believe that 'creation' continues to unfold even unto this day!

Well, she's gone and done it... Beth retired as a public school educator! Really can't believe it has been a thirty five year journey and now this chapter has drawn to a close. Counting the years she taught in a Hebrew Academy and an Assemblies of God school, Beth actually has recorded close to 40 years instructing, encouraging, nurturing, and/or administering on behalf of children. The special needs of gifted kids has been her passion.

But this year the stars aligned and the tea leaves indicated it was time. She indicated her concern for the transitions that lie ahead for public education. Unfortunately it seems more and more to be two steps forward and THREE STEPS BACK. Politics, money and expectations to do more with less stack up to a discouraging outlook. "It is time for the younger set to tackle these issues with new insight and energy."

So - now my wife will enter a new chapter in her life. It will take some getting use too, on her part and mine.

But I believe she too has several more chapters in her partnership with God and the gifts He has given her!

Grand kids are a priority and I'm sure they will see Nonny more often. Yet, I believe there is too much life and interest and enthusiasm for Beth to just sit through these next years. She brings so many talents.

I thank God for Beth and her passion for children. Early on it was an adjustment for us when the school year took so much of her attention. Yet, I applaud that she pursued her 'calling' and for the benefit she has been to so many children that did not have a voice. There are countless 'at-risk' kids, gifted kids, regular kids, failing kids, lost kids, sick kids, blessed kids that have been touched by her hands and her love.

Whatever you choose to do, just know that the seeds you planted will bear fruit for years and years to come! I love you!!!

SHALOM
J

Projection... a sin for all of us!

2010-05-15T20:22:00.002-04:00

Gratitude Journal
1. Quiet days that turn into very productive days!
2. Progress, even small steps, toward a goal...
3. Braves baseball - even when they don't win I enjoy watching
4. Laugh radio - on XM Radio
5. Beth's hamburgers

"God said, 'Who told you you were naked. Did you eat from that tree I told you not to eat from?' And the man said, 'The woman you gave me as a companion, she gave me fruit from the tree..." Genesis 3:11-12

As far back as Genesis humans have been 'projecting' onto others responsibility for their own sinful decisions. In this verse Adam points his finger toward Eve to explain why he failed. He sounds like so many of us today who try to escape our own wrong-doing by accusing others for getting us into the mess we ourselves created.

The original word from God after creating mankind was 'it is very, very good'! And here, a short distance from God's declaration, Adam begins to hide from his original identity in God the Father and we have been denying God's beloved status for His created order ever since.

Wonder what it would have been like for Adam to turn to God and say: 'Yep, I failed and made a mistake. God forgive me and set my feet on the straight path once again.'

Why is responsibility and accountability so hard for us to accept? Are we scared that God will not love us? Are we expecting that what we have done is so bad that God would never be able to forgive us?

God had confidence in us! Yet, we go on and on pointing our crooked finger at others and exclaim - 'thank God, I am not as bad a she is... she started it, she made me, she enticed me, etc' Or 'God all of that group is totally bad or totally wrong (blacks, Democrats, Republicans, Jews, city-folks - country-folks, you name your preferred scape-goats). Do we really believe that we are off the hook and really better than some one else?

To make matters even more complicated, when we cannot forgive ourselves for 'our part' it is so easy to hold onto our hurt and anger. I imagine it was easier for Adam to be mad at Eve than to live with his anger and guilt for his own failure!

Next time we feel someone has 'done us wrong' maybe we need to ask, 'wonder what part I played in this situation?' Wonder what it might have been like if Adam had asked that question long ago?

SHALOM
J

It's Mother's Day... and Grandma has returned!

2010-05-08T09:36:00.003-04:00

Gratitude Journal -
1. Doctors and nurses and techs who 'care'...
2. The gift of health - too often taken for granted!
3. Chaplains who 'check-in', even by phone
4. A supportive community of faith and at work
5. Young adults who don't 'discount' their elders!!!

(21) And Enoch lived sixty and five years, and begat Methuselah: (22) And Enoch walked with God after he begat Methuselah three hundred years, and Methuselah begat sons and daughters: (23) And all the days of Enoch were three hundred sixty and five years: (24) And Enoch walked with God: and he [was] not; for God took him. (25) And Methuselah lived an hundred eighty and seven years, and begat Lamech: (26) And Methuselah lived after he begat Lamech seven hundred eighty and two years, and begat sons and daughters: (27) And all the days of Methuselah were nine hundred sixty and nine years: and he died. Genesis 5:21-27

My mother-in-law - fondly known as "Grandma" - will be 92 on July 1, 2010. Her mother lived to be almost 101. About a month ago Beth (my wife) and I, moved Grandma to Magnolia Manor Assisted Living in Columbus. She had lived with us for over seven years.

Concurrently with her move she became very confused. This past week, following the 'perfect storm' of issues related to a chemical imbalance, she was hospitalized. Each day was more and more serious... until this morning. She experienced night-terrors, painful probes, moments when she did not recognize me or Beth...

When I arrived today, she was wide-awake, smiling, and eating on her own. She even started joking with me and telling one of her long stories to the nurse.

I am grateful for her doctor who cared enough to use her expertise to 'bring Grandma back'. I am very thankful for a host of nurses and others who have monitored and supported and took time to listen to me and Beth with encouragement. We have been blessed once again that God's grace is providing strength and returned hope.

We - Grandma and the rest of us - have been more than blessed by the number of 'days upon the earth' and if she had transitioned into her new existence, we could only stand in awe for a the gift she has been and a life well lived. But it appears that we have some more time.

On this Mother's Day Weekend, I am indeed thankful for my wife and her 'mothering' of our children! But I am also thankful, in the absence of my own mom, that we have been blessed thanks once again to have Grandma return!

Holy Father, like the O.T. writer, may I too look back and be thankful... But my I also count each present moment as gift and not take them for granted!

You can never see what you have never been told to look for...

2010-01-25T12:16:00.002-05:00

"In My Father's house, there are many rooms..." Jesus

Gratitude -
1. A warm home to come home too when it is cold outside...
2. Oti's new grandson - Ethan, and his big brother Michael
3. Being able to follow the progress of my friends receiving treatment for cancer, so far away - prayers for all of you and your families!
4. Spending the afternoon with Beth looking at antiques - most items older than the two of us...
5. Finishing a big task - even if it was on wing and by prayer!

The Kingdom of God is the metaphor Jesus used for who is included in God's grace and who is beloved. The is not a kingdom of stone or place, but within all creation. He is not talking about an afterlife either, as so often is taught - 'just get right with God and then you can die peacefully!'

No He is talking about a way of seeing and being in the present moment - a world without human kingdoms, ethnic communities, national boundaries, or social identifications. That is about as subversive as you can be.

Jesus also told a story about sheep and goats - indicating that one day there would be some type of judgement. That has caused fear and dread for some of us for a long time. However, I believe there is much more 'hopefulness' in that picture than most of us realize...

Jesus plainly states that this is the Father's business! There is no indication that we should ever worry or fear or be concerned about which of our brothers/sisters are in or out - just invite everyone to the banquet!

We are to draw circles AROUND everyone and not be exclusive. The question must be for every Christian: how do we make our story known without sounding like we are in and another is out - winners and losers?

Recently I had the opportunity to be interviewed by a local writer regarding differing religious groups in our area. Some are very exclusive: you must quote certain scripture, or you must follow certain rituals, or you must keep away from certain people, then you can belong and be assured of God's love...

St. Peter had a dream on a house top; an experience that changed his life and ministry forever. The dream said to him - go to EVERYONE - and tell the good news that God is on their side - NOT go ask them how much scripture they can quote or if they are vegetarians!

In other words, when Jesus said that God would take care of judgement, that got us off the hook. Who are we to judge who is getting it right or wrong? Who are we to say who is in and who is out? Who are we to point fingers?

I believe Christians should not be in the business of saying who will be a winner and who will be a loser!

When Jesus said that it 'rains on the just and unjust' - when Jesus said that we should not worry about 'the practices of others who speak in a different way' - 'he that is far us, cannot be against us'. He is saying that we need to fight and run away from dualistic thinking.

PRAYER - God may I this day not leave anyone out of Your grace and mercy. As I have so richly received, may I give and forgive.

THROUGH CHRIST AND IN CHRIST -

AMEN

He that is without sin...

2010-01-19T18:12:00.003-05:00

Gratitude Journal
1. Pastoral Care - thanks Wes and JBO
2. Times of silence and reflection - sometimes even that is hard!
3. Ali's visit - great to see her and family...
4. Hope
5. Growth in awareness and insight into a bigger picture.

Jesus said - he that is without sin, cast the first stone!

Jesus was bent down on the ground writing something in the sand. A group of men had brought a woman caught in adultery to him and wanted him to stand with them in stoning her. However, he said just enough to get the attention of the group and the scripture indicates that 'all the men slipped away'.

Blogging has potential for lots of things. It can be a network for staying in touch. It can be a forum for ideas. It can be a time of reflection and challenge. It should never be used to inflict harm!

While I have used blogging for over a year and my Gratitude Journal for six or seven years to share my reflections, I recently posted a blog that was a personal reflection on a 'bully' situation I had experienced. It was part of my own struggle and my own frustration over a recent encounter with something I believed was harmful not only to me, but to a group of folks I have been committed too for a long time.

I honestly shared how my 'humanity' wanted to go one way, but my faith kept getting in my way and calling for me to take another route. However, by sharing my thoughts my 'feelings' came through more than the actual corrective faith stance. The blog was truthful - from my limited perspective - but it caused pain, sadness and grief.

I do not apologize for whatever 'truth' was there... but it was not my plan to inflict more destruction. Therefore I deleted that particular blog.

While I will continue to write about my journey of faith, I will draft it, sleep on it and send it on the following day.

I did not say that I was without sin. However, the blog appeared to some as if that was my implication. For that misunderstanding I apologize. Like St. Paul of scripture, I am chief amongst sinners.

SHALOM
JBA

Happy New Year - EMMANUAL (God with us...)!!!

2010-01-01T07:13:00.002-05:00

Gratitude -
1. The gift of 'new time'...
2. The gift of remembrance!
3. The gift of family - both immediate and extended.
4. The gift of call - an incomplete journey.
5. Divine, initiated HOPE - the unexpected...

Tabernacles - a space to worship YAHWEH - moved with the Israelites; other gods stayed home!

I am indebted to my friend Wes (as I am for so many recent gifts from the Spirit) for reminding me of God's history with His people!

In the book of Exodus, God's people were instructed to construct a movable structure called the tabernacle. This elaborate tent was a place where God would meet His people as they moved from place to place. It was a constant reminder that the Spirit was always with them.

The tabernacle was therefore a reminder that the Divine Presence was different from other gods of the time.

When ones god is stuck in one time or one place the rules change when one leaves that particular time and place. A person might even say they are now free from their old rules and therefore there are no rules.

If you have ever had any relationship with an addict you know it is when he or she is away from home that trouble begins. His thoughts or her times of quiet reflection do not 'stay within normal boundaries'. It is easier to get into trouble...

Wes recent suggestion that the idea of tabernacle was a gift to God's people. The major contribution was, no matter where you go God was/is there too. He/She is not stuck back at home.

As I enter 2010 - a new gift of time - God may I remember You move with me. I am not alone. I can trust whatever comes my way. I will be surrounded by Your love and Divine Presence. No matter where I journey in this new year, You are there to greet me.

Thank You for this new gift of time and open me to Your will. Grant me a receptive heart to Your Presence on this wonderful path, each step of the way!

What a gift, indeed!

SHALOM
JOHN

Re-cognition and the Christmas Story

2009-12-19T21:52:00.002-05:00

Gratitude -
1. Peace - Hope - Joy - Love
and the message of preparation during ADVENT!
2. O Come All Ye Faithful... Christmas hymn
3. Anticipation - through the eyes of children
4. Anticipation - through the eyes of adults who have tasted the story, first hand!
5. Beth's fruit cake cookies.

Deep calls unto deep. Psalm 42:7

You will seek only what you have partially already discovered and seen within yourself as desirable. Spiritual cognition is invariably re-cognition. (RR)

Ask anyone who has known me for a long time - since childhood - and I have always been a bit different when it comes to faith issues. I always found it hard to find lots to 'repent' of, since I was born on a church pew and my parents made sure I would continue to be there each Sunday morning until I left home for college. I was never a deeply disturbed, nor problem child. I caused no one alarm when it came to being a well behaved son, brother, school student, etc. I was a good 'little man'.

Therefore when the pastor or my Sunday School teacher would preach or teach on 'changing your ways, or you will burn in hell' I generally thought they must be talking to the neighbor kid. I didn't have too many bad habits to 'change'.

Because I spent so many years in Sunday School and church, Vacation Bible School, and Training Union (be glad to explain this one) I knew the story and knew the players - most of all Jesus. It was not my heavenly father that I feared. It was the punishment my earthly father might dish out if he ever caught be doing anything bad.

I anticipate Christmas in a whole new light today. It is a special celebration to say the least. I look forward to it - but not for the same reasons of old. I use to look forward to preaching about Mary, Joseph, Wise Men, and Angels and Shepherds. But today, I look forward to the reminder that God loved us so much that He chose to come to earth in human terms. Incarnational terms. He was human like me...

That means that He looked on my personhood and said 'this is my creation, and it is good!'. I don't have to do anything to be saved. He has saved me all along. He created me. He is my FATHER and all He has ever wanted for me was GOOD.

What a shame that I learn to fear HIM. What had He ever done but loved me. He loves ALL His children - the whole of the human race. This Christmas business is just an annual reminder along the path.

I think it is sad that we get caught up with the 'baby' and never realize that He became a MAN! The MAN. The one true MAN of GOD. What a gift. He won - I don't have to win... He is worthy, even when I am not... He loves, even when I am unlovely...

What a GIFT - it has been there ALL LONG.
Yes indeed - Spiritual cognition is invariably re-cognition!!!

Hallelujah

What we resist, persists...

2009-12-13T06:01:00.002-05:00

Gratitude -
1. The gift of Kathleen Harris for 90 years!
Aunt Katie - may you rest in peace...
2. Bumping into one of my distant Joshua brothers
on line last evening and our time of instant chat!
3. Our decorated Christmas tree (thanks to Beth)
4. Being held...
5. Receiving unexpected Christmas cards

"But what I tell you is this: Do not set yourself against the man who wrongs you..." Matthew Matthew 5:39

Interesting concept - what we resist, persists (RR). It seems I most often judgementally look for evil in others (and myself) in order to fight it, hate it, eliminate it, or (God forbid) project in on some herd of swine - hoping it will fall off some cliff somewhere and I will be rid of it forever.

However Lord,when do I seriously attempt to hold onto the 'evil within me' or even the 'wrong done unto me' and try to learn from it?

Leonard Cohen has a verse in one of his songs that says some thing about trying to be sober, 'but I had to do it drunk'...

When will I too realize that I am addicted too, to so many things and instead of escaping, maybe there is something about those recurring themes that I need to learn. God knows that they persist... I have tried too long to run and hide from my sins, and they kept returning.

I guess I could identify with brother Paul when he says 'the things I want to do I resist, and the things I don't want to do, I do.' Lord I bet Paul listened and learned! Lord, take my heart this day and teach me something I don't already know - about my sin and about your grace.

AMEN

Lord, may I have true eyes to see and ears to hear. Teach me Lord - teach me...

Give Him my heart...?

2009-12-04T14:41:00.003-05:00

Gratitude Journal
1. Happy Birthday to Beth
(I won't tell her age, but we have been married a long time!)
2. P.I. Christmas Party
(Different this year - change is good!)
3. The difference one candle can make in a dark room.
4. Reconnecting with old friends on Facebook!
5. Even the 'suggestion' that snow might make it to Columbus...

What can I give Him - I will give Him my heart.

While I don't know the whole hymn I do love the words (above), particularly when sung during the ADVENT Season. However, my challenge is to pull apart the term - 'give Him my heart'. What does that exactly mean?

Are we talking about some sentiment or emotion? No - my emotions change too often. They are not under my will power as I would like. They are too erratic!
Maybe our thoughts - that's it, I won't think of anything but Jesus... No, that doesn't seem to work either. My mind drifts and it is always changing according to the topic.

What does it mean then to give Him my heart? Christmas is coming...

Seeing things...

2009-11-21T09:34:00.002-05:00

Gratitude -
1. Visits with acquaintances that turn to friendship
2. New wheels!
3. THANKSGIVING - and American tradition...
The gathering of family and friends!
4. My health
5, Early morning quiet time for reflection.

"Where should we look for the Day of Coming? And Jesus answered, Don't look here and don't look there!" Luke 17:23

We do not see things as they are. We see things as we are...

How often do we hear some modern day prophet 'yellin' in our direction and asserting that THEY have the answer. Just listen to them and they will provide all the answers we need to overcome any obstacle.

The older I get the more I realize no one has the answer. We are all on a journey and my experience ALWAYS colors the answers I may profess to have at any given time.

While I agree we should respect those in authority and grant due respect toward our elders, far too many of them are just becoming 'elderly' and have not done enough homework on their own path for me to listen to them for guidance. It is so confusing and unreasonable as to why one should listen to these 'prophets' for any understanding about God or anything else! I am sickened by folks that 'got their religion and all the answers they needed' when they were ten or twelve and their faith stance has not changed one iota since that time long ago. They have the 'formula' and nothing about their walk with God has grown.

I am most frustrated with myself. I am the worlds worst. I catch myself oh so often living as if God's story is over and done. Living as if there is no more movement of God in 'burning bushes' or 'walks on water;, much less as if the 'still small voice' has been stilled and there is nothing left for me to seek or grow toward!

God grant Your mercy and grace this day as I consciously seek to be open to where You are leading and changes in my long held patterns of relating not only to You, but my brothers as well.

Through Christ I pray.
Amen

When is change a gift? Change always equals some type of death...

2009-11-15T16:51:00.001-05:00

Gratitude -
1. Dwight - moving toward lay Dominican
2. Donovan's blog
3. Brandon's ordination
4. Cleaning out and throwing away
5. The gift of CHANGE!

“The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; REPENT (change your mind) and believe in the gospel.” Mark 1:15

“Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life – even though invisible to spectators – is with Christ in God. He is your life. Col. 3:3
Some of us enter the Thanksgiving season with sadness. We may have lost significant people in our lives. Grandpa will not be sitting at the head of the table to carve the turkey. Aunt Elizabeth’s disease finally took its toll and she will not be with the children and grandchildren for this annual family gathering. Some families may have lost younger members too – a child, a spouse, maybe a sibling…

Loss takes many forms. It might be health which may entail chronic physical pain. A host of people in America have lost jobs. Due to economic stressors others have lost their homes over the past twelve months. Some have experienced ‘natural’ disasters forcing them from home and livelihood.

In the midst of all this loss can we say any of this is ‘gift’?

Several years ago I was introduced to the idea of ‘Cradle Episcopalians’ – meaning the person was born and reared in that particular denomination. I sorta chuckled and with some degree of pride thought to myself how thankful I was I had not been ‘born’ into any church. I was a Baptist and at the ripe old age of 11, I had made my own decision regarding church membership.

As ludicrous as this might sound to me today there was a time when I had to change my understanding of just what a free choice I had made. In all actuality I too was born on a denominational pew like most others attending church. My pew just happened to be a Baptist pew and it was the only faith tradition I had ever known. So the thought of making my own decision regarding church membership was almost laughable. I chose to be Baptist in large part because that was where my parents attended and I wanted to ‘belong’ too.

Now as an adult I find I am called to change (to die) to lots of old understandings. In her recent book “An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith,” Barbara Brown Taylor talks about the benefits of going through loss. She suggest that we stick to predictable routes through life, preferring what is efficient and safe to that which is dangerous, unknown or wild.

“And yet,” she writes, “if someone asked us to pinpoint the times in our lives that changed us for the better, a lot of those times would be wilderness times.” She cites times like divorce, a move, illness or a career change as times when change (death) forces us to put on new glasses; to see though different lens.

Recently my journey has begun to shift and I have been challenged to consider other ways of looking into the Mystery we call GOD.

As we enter these two special seasons of the year – one secular and the other very sacred territory – I invite all of us to embrace this time as seasons for change to happen. Some new considerations might cause us to die to some items in our life that may have served their function. Maybe it is time to let them go. Stand and risk a new idea, a new way of being embraced by the Mystery and possibly a GOOD NEWS way of seeing things might arrive as a gift. It will not be easy. But it will be a gift if we dare to follow!

AMEN

A reason for joy...

2009-11-06T20:07:00.003-05:00

Gratitude -
1. Harper Elizabeth Adams - born 11-5-08
HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY!!!
2. The colors of autumn
3. Being back in Art Class
4. A NEW computer...
5. Unbelievable joy - not giddy happiness -
but serious, deep, abiding joy with life

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" CHARLIE BROWN aka Peanuts Cartoon

Have you ever had a day or a period in your life when you were happy or filled with joy and you were not exactly sure why OR where it was coming from? Such is this time in my life.

I have been on a high since my recent retreat where we focused on Male Spirituality. I have a friend who was reared in Texas and she insists it is the Texas air. 'It gets deep inside and you are never the same.' (thanks Sandy - makes as much sense as anything else - ha)

However, I have to believe it has to do with relationships and new insights. The relationships with my seven new brothers - now known as the Joshua Brothers - was deep and real. Although we did not know titles and background, we begin to be vulnerable with one another almost immediately. We shared our hurts and pain. We talked of old wounds and baggage we had carried to cover our pain for an incredibly long time.

Then we sat together without speaking and honored one another. We prayed for each other and we offered hope, without trying to fix or change anyone. Ever so slowly we trusted ourselves to each ritual and never judged another.

There were indeed differences between us. Faith, age, nationality, probably our vocations were very different although we never ask, fears over sexuality issues, wounds to those we loved, past addictions that were still fresh, suicide ideation, and much more... We were all struggling.

We had all built big walls. The walls were in place to cover our pain and protect us. Over time the walls began to crack. One of our leaders shared 'the LIGHT shines through the broken places'. And that was the case for each one of us. We all found grace!

I must admit that I had known this word for a long time. I have preached it for years. However, I had never known grace in relationship to other men. I had felt they were generally judging me and I was coming up a failure. This feeling was almost as old as I am...

So the relationships with these new brothers and with God were pivotal. The insights still come as I learn to sit in silence, contemplating my brothers, their grace toward me and God and His grace too. (more about contemplation in the future) While I know I am broken - I also rejoice that the light shines through...

May you too know such joy!

SHALOM
JBA

The old way has to go...

2009-11-01T06:14:00.002-05:00

Gratitude -

New brothers!
Being touched, deep in my soul
En-courage-ment
Texas Hill Country
Wes Eades

Jesus said: “You're looking for proof, but you're looking for the wrong kind. All you want is something to titillate your curiosity, satisfy your lust for miracles. The only proof you're going to get is what looks like the absence of proof: Jonah-evidence.” THE MESSAGE – Matt. 12

Over the past week I have experienced the most transforming event of my life.

Now I have begun to look over every aspect of life – my life – and assess my priorities and energy. I am filled with questions and joy like never before. I am excited about life! While I do not doubt past decisions and commitments, God has definitely opened new doors of understanding that continue to rattle old ways of thinking! But it is more than intellectual growth – it is a heart change too.

I was blessed to take part in the Males Rights of Passage (MROP) retreat in the Hill Country of Texas. About 40 men gathered for sharing and study for five days. We only shared first names - no titles or vocations, no passing of business cards... I joined seven men as my 'home group'. We spent an incredible amount of time baring our souls with one another, along with our deepest fears. All sorts of anguish rushed forth. Hopes for the future, along with failures and losses of the past.. Woundedness inflicted not only by our families, but also ridicule and pain perpetuated by our young friends became almost too difficult to bear. We cried together about the pain we too had inflicted on others!

We took part in rituals and teachings. We played drums with abandon. We walked though mud and took long hikes. We started and ended the day with prayer and reflection. We spent over 8 hours in total silence and we also spent this time fasting.

So, what did I learn? What has changed? What did I experience? GOD'S LOVE – deeper and more cleansing than ever before! Jesus loves me, this I know... I learned that I have developed a shell (ego), thinking it would protect me and keep me safe. However, it has only caused more and more pain for me and those I love and become heavier and heavier to carry and maintain.

For way too long I have been a part of a worthiness system when it comes to my faith journey. If I did just the right things, (attend church, contribute money to the poor, be kind to neighbors and strangers, etc...) then I would make God happy with me. He/She was sitting in heaven with a big black book, keeping score. Unfortunately I was rarely, deeply happy. Didn't laugh much and joy was a thing of my past. I had adopted a sick system and the true me was so deeply buried, I couldn't recognize grace, must less accept it as the gift it is!

And yes, I have heard all this before. I have actually preached it. But this time it is different. Something profoundly new is happening deep within me. I may struggle with the words, but the WORD has touched me like never before... And I want to say that while the burden is easy, living out this new truth is hard. I have already allowed too much of this experience to slip away and I have returned to too many of my old ways - but they must die. And that is my new goal and new calling.

In the months ahead I will be sharing bits and pieces of my journey. Not as an exhibit, but as 'one beggar who has found some crumbs and willing to share...'. I invite your feedback and questions along the way.

Lord, thank You for this day. Continue to remove the false self I have been building for so long. May honesty be my goal – with myself and with You! Use me to be graceful toward all. May I forgive as I have been forgiven. AMEN

Always living in anticipation...

2009-10-18T06:28:00.002-04:00

Gratitude -
1. Peace and quiet
2. Fall Weddings
3. Unexpected 'gifts'...
4. Hugs
5. Farm Town!

Always living in anticipation may mean I miss this moment!

I believe life is gift! We did not do anything, nor can we do anything to deserve it... It just 'is'. However, I find myself living a lot of my life in the great not yet - living in anticipation of what will be. Looking forward to trips or projects or finishing tasks or a visit or maybe even Santa.

While there is nothing inherently wrong or sinful about the excitement of anticipation (or the dread) I wonder what I may overlook and miss out on in this moment by always looking ahead?

"Waiting for Godot" was a play written in the last century. A cast of characters appear on stage with minimal props, but all are waiting - waiting on someone named Godot. Of course, he never arrives. In some ways it is a tragic play because Godot represents GOD. And the story line indicates no matter what ones' hopes or dreams or desires or needs might be, GOD has the tendency to always disappoint because He/She never shows up.

Where is God for you? Is He/She always 'out there' somewhere in the great beyond? Do you live life always waiting? I know that I live way too much of my life in the great not yet... planning, preparing, anticipating, hoping, dreaming, longing, wondering and wandering - not that often arriving!

Lord, what would it take for me to be in this very moment with You? My prayer this day is for clarity in each moment, yet hope - and being alive to reality, yet faith. May I be found giving thanks for what is - not in anxiety regarding what is not yet... Grant that I may accept Your grace and be thankful. May I be thankful for each breath and rejoice.

Through Christ, O Lord
AMEN

Private logic...

2009-10-08T11:59:00.002-04:00

Gratitude -
1. The human mind
2. The human body
3. The human spirit
4. Stretching in all three!
5. Growth - no matter the age...

When two people are in a similar situation, there are a zillion and one ways they will not see the world precisely the same. That unique perspective is called 'private logic' - a term coined by psychologist Alfred Adler.

Humans are an incredible mixture of gifts. Some hold gifts of intelligence while others have great physical abilities. The older I get the more I respect the 'fathers and mothers' of our world - the ancients, both dead and alive, that still share their wisdom and speak to our spirit.

But with the passing of time I have turned some kind of corner on accepting another person's private view or interpretation of anything as totally sacred. Yes, they might have great insight and understanding. Plaques and diplomas may fill their walls indicating their learnedness. They may have achieved much on the ladder of earthly success and be called 'leader - pastor - CEO - author - president'. Terms like 'charismatic' or 'great' may be used to describe them. Trophies may fill their bookcases and line their walls. Some may call them 'church fathers' or 'saint'. Yet, they only have their own 'private logic' to share... some truth and some fiction. Not one of us captures all truth!

For one reared in the Bible Belt and nurtured in the concept of 'deny yourself' and 'respect all authorities', this is new territory for me. I am growing to appreciate my own private logic and see it valid in discourse and dialogue with others. While I respect all authorities, I also have the right to respectfully disagree with authority. I have the right to my own interpretations. And as long as I remain in a faithful community of brothers and sisters commited to the journey, I will be fine. It is a balance I now seek!

Holy scripture says, "Come let us reason together"

Lord - thank You for my own mind, body and spirit! I give You thanks for those along my path who have nurtured and informed my way. Those who have challenged and encouraged. But forgive me for waiting so long to trust my own core and my own relationship with You. I give thanks that I am still a work in progress and process. Grant that I may continue to trust our journey.

Through Christ, I pray
AMEN

Generosity

2009-10-03T22:43:00.002-04:00

Gratitude Journal -
1. Generous people
2. Reunions with old friends
3. The gift of humor
4. SEC Football Saturdays
5. Chris and Jenny's farm!

Since there are no luggage racks on top of the hearse,
I guess we will all be generous in the end...

It is one thing to be generous with our own property and belongings,
it is another to be generous with our benevolence and positive attitude toward others!

A recent visit with friends of long ago reminded me of deep gaps between some of these brothers and sisters in our ancient past. Yet, in the few hours we spent together we chose to be not just civil, but actually caring toward one another. Some had lost their spouse, while others had serious physical struggles. Others shared wounds suffered in the recent economic pains being born by so many in our nation over this past year or two. Together we grieved the loss of mutual friends who used to walk the halls with us, share jokes and laughter, and pray along side us in chapel...

I wonder if we were just all on our best behavior or if something more was afoot. If we scratched just a little bit I am sure we could have started some lively and possibly troubling exchange. However, I believe we all desired, not just to be peaceful with one another, but to actually find ways to 'connect'. The deep hope was to be generous toward one another. To be gracious and kind and forgiving and supportive. To be merciful and truly care - in the name of Christ, the One who brought us together in the first place.

Sure, I could have given up a little money, if called upon. I might have provided food, clothes, shelter or contributed in several different ways to be of encouragement toward some of my old friends. However God granted a change in my attitude and in my heart. In that special moment in time, it was as if I saw with a new set of eyes.

Lord - I pray for my 'friends' and their current journey. Bless each one! However I also pray that I might not rest in my past. Open before me Your continuing grace and may I be generous toward all - friend and stranger alike. Jesus' example - with thousands or one on one - is my best guide. Grant that Your Holy Spirit will lead me to see opportunities to open my heart and may I have the will to do so...

In Christ I pray -
AMEN

Belonging to...

2009-09-26T22:55:00.002-04:00

Gratitude Journal:
1. Writings of Henri Nouwen and Richard Rohr
2. The Enneagram
3. Honesty that sets FREE - with ones-self and with others!
4. College football
5. Tyler Perry's latest movie -
I CAN BE BAD ALL BY MYSELF... (I identify!)

It is easier to belong to the group than belong to God!

Lord -

Forgive me when I hide in the shadows of 'my group' and do not stand,
much less speak up for justice.
When 'my group' takes presidence over Your love and grace and will

When the power I have could make a difference, but I am scared
I might loose something - it might cost me - I might have to sacrifice
When I like being a white male more than brother to a black or Korean man
When I see men as superior to women
When I listen to a hurtful joke about someones sexuality and do not challenge the offense
When I feel glee because some states move from red to blue or vise versa...
When I expect privilege because of my education,
rather than advocating for support for public schools
When I look for ways to beat 'the system' instead of changing the system to benefit more...
When I anticipate the best seat,
immediate access to my doctor,
bigger returns on my investments,
and never think of those who stand with bowed heads and humble hearts
at the back of the line
or those who walk for days carrying hopelessly ill children
to meet a doctor, who serves in a hut without supplies
or those who break their backs in hard labor in hot sun or on the coldest of days
to make sure that I have enough to eat or that I have all my ' comforts'
in order to live as a 'successful' Middle Class American...

Yes Lord - it is easier for me to 'belong to my group(s)'
than belong to YOU.

Who am I kidding Lord?

Forgive me Lord - forgive...

AMEN

Seeing with new eyes

2009-09-20T08:59:00.002-04:00

Gratitude -
1. Annual Family Reunions
2. Times when time stands still -
(unfortunately these are too few!)
3. Trusting family and friends
4. Being embraced by rainy, cloudy days
5. 'SPRAYBERRY'S BAR-B-QUE'

When we can see the image of God where we don't want to see the image of God, then we see with eyes not our own. RR

Lord - for those times when I resist Your leading I pray for forgiveness.

There are times when I don't want to have new eyes. When I don't want to see the pain, suffering, heartache, and fears of those around me. I fear the cost...

I fear that I may be called to respond, and I don't want too. I have other agenda items on my to do list. Even if I have the money - or time - the cost to me appears too great. I might have to lay aside my desires and my plans and get involved. It might be ongoing and I don't want to be tied down, Lord.

Forgive me...

Grant this day I would have eyes to see. Your eyes of compassion and strength. That I would rely on You and willingly follow Your agenda this day. May I offer hope and be an instrument for Your peace.

Through Christ I pray -

AMEN

Sabbath

2009-09-13T06:12:00.003-04:00

Gratitudes:

1. the capacity to begin again...

2. renewal - not retreading!

3. quiet

4. velvet covered bricks

5. candles

"Because you say 'I see' your guilt and blindness remain." (John 9:41)

Lord, I don't want to hear these words. I want to believe that I do see.

That I have a grasp of exactly who You are and Your will for everyone.

I want to know that I am in the right and that I am not following the wrong path.

I desire certainity and assurance and rock solid knowledge of You.

And all You offer is 'walk by faith' ...

I need Sabbath to be reminded - of the journey and Your invitation

That I am not alone - that You offer something more than the 'stuff'

with which I generally fill up my days.

As I enter this river once again, I know I am not the same (thank God)

While I have changed and entered new passages, the river still flows.

You are the same, Lord - the same grace and mercy and hope abide.

On this bright new morning may I be open to receive and grow some more.

May I never believe that 'I see...' - but may I trust and risk some more.

Thank You for the gift of life and relationships and may I open more -

and embrace what You have in store

Through Christ I pray

AMEN

21st Century Faith

2009-09-10T14:59:00.002-04:00

Gratitude
1. Letting go of 'stuff'...
2. When unexpected doors open!
3. Persons who are present in relationships
4. Fresh vegetables
5. Innocence

Lord,
Trying to make sense out of 21st Century faith issues seems to get more difficult every day!
Trying to understand people, so very different in language and culture - they use to be so far away...
Trying to speak about faith and hope, grace and mercy, in a world that seems to have gone insane.
Trying to embrace the new, without giving away the precious things, filled with meaning

Lord,
May I stop trying so hard to 'do' fatih and learn to 'have' faith
May I begin to 'do' more faithing and stop trying to 'have' it all
May I remember it is not up to me
May I see You and commit to follow wherever You lead...

AMEN

Visiting Chicago

2009-07-18T21:25:00.002-04:00

Over the past eight days I have been on a business/pleasure trip to Chicago. My first trip to the Windy City. And I must admit that I am hooked! It is a great place for architecture, food, and wonderful diversity.

Lake Michigan also makes it a beautiful city. This evening on my final walk by the lake there were deep blues and greens of the water and the reflection of distant clouds casting long shadows. And on the horizon were at least fifty boats with bright sails.

This week of study (Enneagram) and the rest and new friends from all over America (two from Spain) is a treat I will remember for the rest of my life! God is gracious and has blessed my journey. May I now be a good steward and see the beauty in the world I return too!

The journey...

2009-06-26T12:34:00.002-04:00

In 1917, Emerald Jay and Mary Harris packed their few possessions and moved from Iowa to West Palm Beach, Florida. There were no paved roads, no air-conditioning in homes much less cars and real bandits were known to lurk in the bushes alongside of the dirt roads of Florida. The couple had one child, Ned and he was an infant.

About a year later, Ruth Elizabeth was born (July 1, 1918). Her 'baby brother' Dick was born five years later. Their father was a mailman and their mom eventually returned to teaching school. She had been a teacher in a one room schoolhouse in Iowa before the big move south.

Last week my wife and I had the opportunity to take her mom (Ruth Elizabeth - fondly known as 'Grandma') and Uncle Dick back home to West Palm Beach for a visit. It was the first time he had been in over 30 years and she had not been back in almost 15 years. The visit was bittersweet in the full expression of the term!

The two siblings sat on the edge of their seats in anticipation during our two day car trip 'home'. They were giddy and laughing and nervous. They joked and shared short vignettes about the early years. When we arrived to our small rented cottage they both hurried off to their rooms to sleep and give thanks that they had finally arrived for this special week which both had been planning and anticipating for months.

Monday morning my wife and I awoke to quiet laughter in the kitchen. Grandma and Dick were waiting patiently, but ready to get started on this grand adventure. Now 91 and 86 (respectively) they hopped in the car like two kids and both began to give names of streets or institutions they expected to see first.

At this point the trip turned to one of true astonishment. Like children visiting the Circus for the first time they began to chatter. 'Beth, can you believe all these condos? Where do all the people come from?' 'Dick, can you imagine what mom and dad would say if they could see this...? I bet Dad's mail route would be a lot shorter today.' 'Why do they need so many six-lane highways?' 'Did we live on O Street once or twice? You would think some of the houses would be saved...'

The first day was the longest. We drove up and down streets and avenues and with each turn we would hear the mixed sounds of amazement and dismay. 'They tore down the old home place, sis - we use to live right there and now it is a highrise.' 'Back in our day the tallest building was seven floors - I remember taking my first elevator ride in that place.' We tried to find schools and churches and parks and old corner markets. Over and over we could see the discouragement in their faces. Most of the places were long gone, replaced by something shiny and new, or empty lots being prepared for the next building.

One Wednesday morning we visited their 'home church'. It is now a mega church. Many old photos lined one hallway as reminder of a long forgotten past on which the current 'organization' is built. Uncle Dick was especially struck to hear that 'in these bad economic times we had to let our full time chef go...' He joked about that statement for the rest of our stay. His church in the north east might have 25 in attendance on a good Sunday and they are struggling to survive.

But a consistent theme running through our week long journey was the thread of faith in God that had been there for both these 'children' throughout their life long journey. They had faced many trials and both have suffered. While in reasonably good health, they were forced to acknowledge growing physical limitations. The heat - the bugs - the congestion of the big city - the loss of friends and relatives... Each of these issues and many more in their hearts weighed heavy by weeks end.

Yet faith in God for both Grandma and Uncle Dick has served as their foundation. It was a gift from their own parents long ago as they left Iowa for an unknown future. And it has been a constant for these two on their long and winding journey back 'home'. It was not what they expected. It was not what either one had imagined. It was disappointing in some ways. But as we visited graveyards and churches and sights on their spiritual as well as their physical pathways of long ago, there were moments of celebration that God had been there with them and for them all along the way.

I am blessed to be a witness to the faith of this older generation and I pray that as I grow into my last chapter of life journey I too will be found to be more trusting and faithful and filled with that same Spirit. (Happy Birthday, Grandma!)

SHALOM
JBA

Destructive and Constructive Nesting

2009-06-09T08:50:00.002-04:00

What is the difference between destructive and constructive nesting?

As I shared in my last post I recently found a rat under the hood of an old car on my property. To my chagrin a rat had almost destroyed every wire under the hood. I promptly disposed of the nest and the car. What a relief to have the nest of varmints out of my life!

Isn't it amazing how we look on God's creation. Obviously I am not a big fan of rats. However, in the greater scheme of things there must be a reason for these destructive, sneaky creators. I am just not aware of their purpose, nor all that interested in them. Like snakes, spiders and mosquitoes, I just don't like them. Therefore I felt no anxiety about destroying their nest...

However, this past weekend I borrowed a 'pressure washer' from my neighbor. My deck and porch were beginning to show signs of dirt and mildew. With all that power in my hand I was hooked. In no time at all I was removing all the built up grime and I felt great. The more I washed the more places I saw that needed to be cleaned.

I moved from the back screened-porch to the deck to the dog's pen, to the driveway and finally found my self all the way around the house to the front porch. I was so proud of all the dirt I was removing. I was feeling so much strength and productivity. I was truly king of the manor.

As I moved to the front porch I noticed a bird's nest on top of one of the beams. It had been there since last summer and was recently vacated by a bird and her little fledglings. They had finally flown away. So I tackled that corner of the porch with a vengeance.

I first tore as much of the nest away as possible by hand. Then I scraped away more dirt with a small tool. Then I turned the full force of the washer onto the soiled corner. All signs began to wash away. No more nest, no more dirt and no more birds around my front door.

But this week I have found myself missing that nest. You see the birds have used that nest at least four times to lay their eggs and hatch their chicks and feed them til they were strong enough to fly away on their own. I had actually become fond of them. Each morning as I left for work I would look up to see them and check their progress. Could I see any movement? Was the momma bird sitting on her eggs or was she off looking for food for her hatchlings? When the heads of the small chicks began to show, I would watch carefully to see if they were growing and/or about to fly away.

They had become a sign of God's larger plan and purpose. This nest had become a thing of beauty for me. And yet in my haste I had destroyed it.

What is the difference between destructive and constructive nesting? Several learnings from my recent encounter with nests comes to mind:
1. What I might consider destructive must be a part of God's plan. Every creature seems to have a place to settle and find physical comfort. A place to birth children and feed them and raise them to sufficient maturity for them to leave the nest.
2. Even varmints (my definition) are part of something larger than my understanding. Things I see as destructive and a menace were created and are some gift from God. I may never know what that plan is all about (in this life) but I might need to learn to trust more.
3. God can use part of my own life that seems to be hidden and dark and a menace, to teach me His ways. I have much to learn about His grace and mercy.
4. I too can be a creator of destruction. I can channel my power and cause pain to something that was causing no harm. I can exert my strength and 'clean' out the dwelling place of God's creators, even those that bring joy and are peaceful. I need to learn to be patient and careful as I use my strength and power.

SHALOM

This Old Clunker

2009-06-04T13:38:00.003-04:00

I live in the country. That means I have a place on my property for trash and at least one old junk car. The recent rains in our area have really been bringing out snakes and other varmints. Therefore I decided to try to clean up the old trash heap and get rid of an old car.

I invited a guy over and told him he could have the car if he would just get it off the property. He opened the hood and found some old rats nest and indications where the rats had been eating away at some of the hoses and belts. He also found a 4 foot long rat snake all curled up on top of the motor. But before he could get rid of it, the darn thing slithered away.

Way back in the late 60's my pastor preached a sermon entitled YOU ARE THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD. In that moment I received a significant gift of grace. For the first time in my life I heard that I was o.k. - because of God's love. I didn't have to do anything to gain it and my laundry list of failures had been forgiven by His mercy. I felt incredibly free.

Richard Rohr talks about the first half of life being a time for building our containers. And the second half of life being a time to more naturally focus on the content of our lives.

About a year and a half ago I opened the hood on my life again. Low and behold I found some old rats nest and even a few snakes. I called a friend in Texas and shared my pain. I received another gift and reminder of God's continuing love and mercy for me. It was the content of my life that needed gracing this time around...

I was no longer focusing on building the container. In some ways I had arrived. I had title and statue and outwardly I was pretty successful. I had a wife and home and kids and grand kids. I was a pastor and I was even a Director at the Pastoral Institute in the Turner Ministry Resource Center.

When I received that gift from my friend that day, I wish I could say that all the rats and snakes in my life slithered away in that moment of mercy. But you know what? Every time I am willing to open the hood of this old clunker, and really focus on what is there... I continue to find new varmints lurking along with some of my old favorites. Some days this is hard to face, because I get scared and fearful and lonely and anxious. Titles and statue and age and successes don't matter on the inside, if I can't return to God's grace and accept it.

But I can't do that without prayer and meditation and reflection AND community.

Lord, I am thankful today for COMMUNITY - at home, at church, at work... and the other places of fellowship which You provide!

AMEN

Welcome to my world...

2009-06-03T11:17:00.000-04:00

For several years I published a Gratitude Journal on Sunday morning. I would list five or six random items I was particularly thankful for from the previous week. I also added a brief prayer for the morning and the day ahead. While these personal ramblings were from my own reflections on my faith journey they were well received by many friends. Over time I have received encouragement to re-initiate these offering.

Recently I have been introduced to 'blogging' and have decided to give it another try. I hope to make some entry on a weekly basis, but at times there might be more or less...

My full time vocation allows me the opportunity to work with ministers and congregations. However, this blog will be focused on the common human journey we all follow through life: beginnings and endings, births and deaths, faith and doubt, hopes and fears and how God's grace, mercy and love impact our journey.

Thank you for dropping in from time to time. I invite your feedback and suggestions.

TODAYS JOURNAL:

1. Family and friends
2. Physical health and emotional healing
3. Challenges and opportunities
4. Prayer and reflection
5. The gift of life!

Lord, I pray that I remember that You are the giver of life and as present as the very breath I breathe. Guide this new chapter. Use this time and energy for Your purpose in my own life and in the lives of persons who join me along the way. Through Christ I pray. AMEN